VOA News - Reducing Stress Key to Saving Love, MarriageVoice Of America News
Reducing Stress Key to Saving Love, Marriage
By Faiza Elmasry Washington, D.C.13 February 2009
"Gray says that under stress, women need to be listened to and men need to be left alone. Gray says a stressed-out woman needs to talk about what's bothering her. That stimulates the release of the brain hormone oxytocin."
Note from Jim: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, relationship expert
John Gray speaks of the differing effects of testosterone on stress in men and women and the role of oxytocin in reducing stress.
Excerpts:
Gray again uses the planets to represent the two sexes - Mars for men, Venus for women. In Why Mars and Venus Collide, he explains it all comes down to hormones, especially testosterone. The human body releases testosterone to cope with stressful situations. Yet, the hormone affects men and women very differently."
In a man, it's been shown when testosterone goes up, stress levels go down," he says."In a woman, when testosterone goes up, it doesn't lower her stress level. And this is a very significant difference between men and women. It was only four or five years ago that this was discovered on a physiological basis. So during the workday, women are experiencing emergency stress, but they are not able to talk about the things that are bothering her because that's not part of the workplace. And so the stress levels don't get reduced."
And after the workday, Gray says, men and women have opposite ways of relieving stress."For a man, [the best way] to cope with stress is to rest and relax and forget about the problems of the day," he says."When men sit, for example, and watch a football game on TV, literally their body is rebuilding testosterone levels. A woman, on the other hand, when she gets home, anticipating what she has to do, her stress levels shoot up even higher than at work."
Gray says that under stress, women need to be listened to and men need to be left alone. Gray says a stressed-out woman needs to talk about what's bothering her. That stimulates the release of the brain hormone oxytocin.
Knowing that oxytocin helps women feel better, Gray says men have to do more of what gets it produced."
That means more acts of love," he explains."Men have to learn, it is doing lots of little things - not big things - that will help their wives cope with stress so much better. So little things could be holding her hand, putting your arms around her occasionally, giving her a hug several times a day, noticing how beautiful she is, and making compliments."
All these little things - and they are little things, but they add up. They are the most important things to lower stress for a woman. Otherwise, she won't have enough oxytocin to cope with all the emergencies in her life."
Read full article:
http://www.voanews.com/english/AmericanLife/2009-02-13-voa17.cfm***********************************************************************
This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.
