The Positivity Project - Monday and Thursday Evenings - 7:00-8:15pm (EST) - March 4 - May 2

Note From Jim


Folks, you may know that for a number of years I've had a keen interest in a new branch of scientific study known as Positive Psychology. The aim of this body of study is to identify and enhance factors that lead to human flourishing and resilience - at home, in schools, at work, and in our communities.

Advancement in the study of Positive Psychology is credited to Martin Seligman, a recent former President of The American Psychological Association. Martin and colleagues created the first masters program in Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

For free, on Monday and Thursday evenings at 7:00 - 8:15PM, from March 4 - May 2nd you are invited to learn from subject matter experts, how to enhance your own flourishing and the flourishing of those around you. Read below.

*****
The Positivity Project

a FREE world-changing event.  Monday and Thursday Evenings - 7:00-8:15pm (EST) - March 4 - May 2.

Listen live as scientists, sociologists, psychologists, business leaders, best-selling authors, community activists and others share the secrets of how positivity promotes both success and a more connected, fulfilling life.

20 Inspiring Thought Leaders in the World of Positive Psychology and Neuroscience will show you how to:

• Develop skills for building resilience and optimism
• Understand and change brain chemistry
• Create positive and satisfying work environments
• Be a positive and influential parent, educator, or partner
• Be the change you want to see in the world

These speakers will reveal their wisdom and suggestions in the following key areas:

• The neuroscience behind happiness and positivity
• How to be more positive through loss and grief
• Positive education
• Positivity and the media
• How positivity builds courage and resilience
• Staying positive through illness
• Positive thoughts and the body
• Positive leadership
• Creating a positive corporate culture
• Positive approaches to difficult conversations
• The positive effect of Feminine Principles
• Efforts to develop global coherence and peace
• Positive parenting
• Positivity and personal power

What science has learned about the brain and happiness

• Why positive education builds better communities
• How to trust your own power
• How to build resilience and courage
• What helps us through illness, grief and loss
• When to effectively utilize feminine principles
• Finding the positivity in conflict
• Creating global coherence
• Humanizing the business environment

You can improve your life and the lives of those around you, and it can all start with The Positivity Project.

If you can change your perception, you can change your life... if you can change your life, you can change the world!

We will be focusing on such life areas as:

• positivity and the brain (the neuroscience of happiness)
• positivity in the workplace (corporate and entrepreneurial)
• positivity in relationships and in parenting
• positivity and the spirit, creativity, innovation, and humor
• positivity and the body

You can be the change you want to see in the world, and it can change you in a deeper, more profound way than you ever imagined!


Obtain Information &/Or Sign-Up For the Positivity Project: http://thepositivityproject.info/

The Secret to Flourishing (In Relationships, At Work and Health)

Note From Jim:


Unless you’ve fully mastered the art and science of “Human Flourishing”, the article below about your conscious use of words and actions, is a must to read.

The lessons conveyed are imperative for your self, for the special people in your life, for your business colleagues, for your business team, for your subordinates, and for your relations with bosses.

Ken Nowack of Envisa has given me ongoing permission to repost his work at my Blog. I do so below because of the important lessons that his most recent work brings to light.

I’ve listed some excerpted items to tickle your intellectual curiosity but a full read of Ken’s article will most certainly be required in order to advance your own mastery.


Excerpts:

…if you really want to flourish, emphasize the positive at least three times more than the negative… studies demonstrate the power of positive emotions and behaviors individuals, relationships and team functioning. They even suggest an upper and lower “tipping point” for all of us to consider.

[It is possible]… to actually predict how long relationships will last, how healthy we will be or how well teams will be high performers just based on the ration of positive to negative interactions with others…

… a common positive-to-negative ratio of emotions and behaviors of about 3:1 (sometimes called the Losada ratio).
… individuals, partnerships and teams appear to flourish when this “tipping point” is reached.

The Magic Positive-to-Negative Ratio for Happy Relationships…John Gottman’s pioneering research on marriages suggests that there is a “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 — in terms of our balance of positive to negative interactions. Gottman found that marriages are significantly more likely to succeed when the couple’s interactions are near that 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative. When the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages “cascade to divorce.”

The Magic Positive-to-Negative Ratio for Team Performance…accurately predict how well teams perform … Maricial Losada and his team in 1999… Their analysis suggested that the high performing or flourishing teams could be categorized as those have at least a 2.9 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions among team members.

[But] So, for team productivity and performance there appears to be an upper limit to just how many times team members can be positive before it has a detrimental impact on the functioning of the team.

The Magic Positive-to-Negative Ratio for Mental Health… the importance of the positive-to-negative ratio for mental health and well-being comes from Robert Schwartz and colleagues from the University of Pittsburg… Schwartz and colleagues reported that among patients who showed optimal remission, indexed by both self-report and clinical ratings, mean post-treatment positivity ratios were 4.3 to 1. Among those who showed typical remission by the same criteria, mean post-treatment positivity ratios were 2.3…. Recent research by Barbara Fedickson at the University of Michigan provides one more bit of evidence about the 3:1 positivity-to-negativity ratio with mental health. She followed 188 participants for 28 days asking them to keep a daily report of positive and negative emotions they experienced. Results showed that the mean ratio of positive to negative affect was above 2.9 for individuals classified as flourishing and below that threshold for those not flourishing.

Positive Emotions and Physical Health… Three important studies also suggest that emphasizing positive emotions play a direct role on our physical health and well-being and even predict longevity

Taken together, these studies demonstrate the power of positive emotions and behaviors individuals, relationships and team functioning. They even suggest an upper and lower “tipping point” for all of us to consider.

… if you really want to flourish, emphasize the positive at least three times more than the negative

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Secret to Flourishing (In Relationships, At Work and Health) February 3, 2013 by Ken Nowack

“Fall seven times; stand up eight.”
Japanese proverb

Is it possible to actually predict how long relationships will last, how healthy we will be or how well teams will be high performers just based on the ration of positive to negative interactions with others?

It appears that we can and that all of the above share a common positive-to-negative ratio of emotions and behaviors of about 3:1 (sometimes called the Losada ratio).

In fact, individuals, partnerships and teams appear to flourish when this “tipping point” is reached.

The Magic Positive-to-Negative Ratio for Happy Relationships

John Gottman’s pioneering research on marriages suggests that there is a “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 — in terms of our balance of positive to negative interactions. Gottman found that marriages are significantly more likely to succeed when the couple’s interactions are near that 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative. When the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages “cascade to divorce.” In a fascinating study, Gottman teamed up with two mathematicians to test this model. Starting in 1992, they recruited 700 couples who had just received their marriage licenses. For each couple, the researchers videotaped a 15-minute conversation between husband and wife and counted the number of positive and negative interactions. Then, based on the 5 to 1 ratio, they predicted whether each couple would stay together or divorce. Ten years later, Gottman and his colleagues followed up with each couple to determine the accuracy of their original predictions. The results were stunning. They had predicted divorce with 94% accuracy — based on scoring the couples’ interactions for 15 minutes.

Evidence corroborating the idea that this positivity ratio separates flourishing from languishing can be drawn from other research by John Gottman1. He and his colleagues observed 73 couples discussing an area of conflict in their relationship.

Researchers measured positivity and negativity using two coding schemes: one focused on positive and negative speech acts and another focused on observable positive and negative emotions. Gottman reported that among marriages that last and that both partners find to be satisfying (N=3)—what might be called flourishing marriages—mean positivity ratios were 5.1 for speech acts and 4.7 for observed emotions.

By contrast, among marriages identified as being on cascades toward dissolution—languishing marriages at best—mean positivity ratios were 0.9 for speech acts and 0.7 for observed emotions (Gottman, 1994). Summarizing two decades of observational research on marriages, Gottman (1994) concluded that unless a couple is able to maintain a high ratio of positive to negative affect (5 to 1), it is highly likely that their marriage will end.

The Magic Positive-to-Negative Ratio for Team Performance

Can we accurately predict how well teams perform by counting the positive to negative interactions of team members?

From behind one-way mirrors, researcher Maricial Losada and his team in 1999 observed 60 management teams crafting their annual strategic plans and rated every interpersonal interaction of team members. Communications were coded as “positive” if team members showed support, encouragement, or appreciation towards others, and they were coded as “negative” if team members showed disapproval, sarcasm, or cynicism. They were coded as “inquiry” if they asked questions aimed at exploring a position and as “advocacy” if they provided logic or arguments in favor of the team member’s viewpoint. They were coded as “self” if they referred to the team member speaking, and they were coded as “other” if they referenced a person or group who was neither present nor part of the company.

Thje researchers identified 15 flourishing teams, defined as showing uniformly high performance across three indicators: profitability, customer satisfaction, and evaluations by superiors, peers, and subordinates2. Other teams had mixed (n=26) or uniformly low performance (n=19). Their analysis suggested that the high performing or flourishing teams could be categorized as those have at least a 2.9 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions among team members.

Interestingly, signs of disintegration of team performance appeared with a positivity ratio of 11.6. So, for team productivity and performance there appears to be an upper limit to just how many times team members can be positive before it has a detrimental impact on the functioning of the team.

The Magic Positive-to-Negative Ratio for Mental Health

Research on the importance of the positive-to-negative ratio for mental health and well-being comes from Robert Schwartz and colleagues from the University of Pittsburg3. They tracked the outcomes of 66 men undergoing treatment for depression and measured positivity ratios before and after treatment. Before treatment, positivity ratios were very low at 0.5. Schwartz and colleagues reported that among patients who showed optimal remission, indexed by both self-report and clinical ratings, mean post-treatment positivity ratios were 4.3 to 1. Among those who showed typical remission by the same criteria, mean post-treatment positivity ratios were 2.3.

Recent research by Barbara Fedickson at the University of Michigan provides one more bit of evidence about the 3:1 positivity-to-negativity ratio with mental health4. She followed 188 participants for 28 days asking them to keep a daily report of positive and negative emotions they experienced. Results showed that the mean ratio of positive to negative affect was above 2.9 for individuals classified as flourishing and below that threshold for those not flourishing.

Positive Emotions and Physical Health

Three important studies also suggest that emphasizing positive emotions play a direct role on our physical health and well-being and even predict longevity:

Nuns whose autobiographies contained the most sentences expressing positive emotions lived an average of seven years longer than nuns whose stories contained the fewest5.

Psychological well-being is associated with reduced risk of CHD–Whitehall II Study; 4 year study; N = 7,9426.

Subjective well-being/happiness, but not negative emotions, significantly predicted a 10 year increase in longevity–Alameda County Study; 28 year study; N = 6,8567.

Taken together, these studies demonstrate the power of positive emotions and behaviors individuals, relationships and team functioning. They even suggest an upper and lower “tipping point” for all of us to consider.

So, if you really want to flourish, emphasize the positive at least three times more than the negative…..Be well…..




1.Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum [↩]

2.Losada, M., & Heaphy, E. (2004). The role of positivity and connectivity in the performance of business teams: A nonlinear dynamics model. American Behavioral Scientist, 47(6), 740–765 [↩]

3.Schwartz, R. M., Reynolds, C. F., III, Thase, M. E., Frank, E., Fasiczka, A. L., & Haaga, D. A. F. (2002). Optimal and normal affect balance in psychotherapy of major depression: Evaluation of the balanced states of mind model. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 30, 439–450 [↩]

4.Fredrickson, B. L. & Losada, M. (2005). Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing. American Psychologist, 60, 678-686 [↩]

5.Danner, D. et al. (2001). Positive emotions in early life and longevity: Findings from the nun study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82-804-813 [↩]

6.Boehm, J. et al. (2011). A prospective study of positive psychological well-being and coronary heart disease. Health Psychology, 30, 259-267 [↩]

7.Xu, J. et al. (2010). The power of positive emotions: It’s a matter of life or death—subjective well-being and longevity over 20 years in a general population. Health Psychology, 29, 9-19 [↩]



Access Article And Other Great Stuff: http://results.envisialearning.com/the-secret-to-flourishing-in-relationships-at-work-and-health/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ResultsVsActivities+%28Results+vs.+Activities%29

That Loving Feeling Takes a Lot of Work - NY Times

Note From Jim:


In recent years I have taken a keen interest in research from the field of "Positive Psychology", a segment of Psychology that has been championed by a former president of the American Psychological Association, Martin Seligman. Serious work in the disciple of Positive Psychology and the Psychology of Happiness has determined that we all have the power to make ourselves happier, more optimistic, more grateful, and more fulfilled. This applies to our relationships at home and at work. With regard to our personal relationships, the article below shares best practices recommended by top researchers and academics in this field.  Make a difference starting now!

****
Excerpts:
That Loving Feeling Takes a Lot of Work
By JANE E. BRODY

Studies by Richard E. Lucas and colleagues at Michigan State University... Research reported by Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.... Studies by Barbara L. Fredrickson, a social psychologist and professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.


[Apply important] effort to keep the embers of love alive... Infatuation and passion have even shorter life spans, and must evolve into "companionate love, composed more of deep affection, connection and liking,"

Building Companionship

... strategies include making time to be together and talk, truly listening to each other, and expressing admiration and affection.


"the importance of appreciation" [and expressions of gratefulness]: count your blessings and resist taking a spouse for granted. Routinely remind yourself and your partner of what you appreciate about the person and the marriage.

Also important is variety, which is innately stimulating and rewarding and "critical if we want to stave off adaptation," ... Mix things up, be spontaneous, change how you do things with your partner to keep your relationship "fresh, meaningful and positive."...Novelty is a powerful aphrodisiac that can also enhance the pleasures of marital sex.   Variety goes hand in hand with another tip: surprise. With time, partners tend to get to know each other all too well, and they can fall into routines that become stultifying. Shake it up. Try new activities, new places, new friends. Learn new skills together.  
"A pat on the back, a squeeze of the hand, a hug, an arm around the shoulder - the science of touch suggests that it can save a so-so marriage," Dr. Lyubomirsky writes. "Introducing more (nonsexual) touching and affection on a daily basis will go a long way in rekindling the warmth and tenderness."


Support your partner's values, goals and dreams, and greet his or her good news with interest and delight.

Positive Energy


Even a marriage that has been marred by negative, angry or hurtful remarks can often be rescued by filling the home with words and actions that elicit positive emotions, psychology research has shown.


... cultivating positive energy everyday "motivates us to reach out for a hug more often or share and inspiring or silly idea or image."... happily married couples average five positive verbal and emotional expressions toward one another for every negative expression, but "very unhappy couples display ratios of less than one to one."

[Work towards] striving to increase the ratio of positive to negative [to 5:1].


[Work towards] asking yourself each morning, "What can I do for five minutes today to make my partner's life better?" The simplest acts, like sharing an amusing event, smiling, or being playful, can enhance marital happiness.
--------------

Access Article and Other Great Content: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/14/that-loving-feeling-takes-a-lot-of-work/?emc=eta1

Authentic Power! - Happiness Newsletter

Note From Jim:

What can you do to flourish?  Lionel Ketchian always inspires.  I recommend that you subscribe to his free newsletter. In his most recent issue, Lionel comments that personal happiness is a duty, one that requires practice and discipline.   And when practice and discipline are applied to the state of happiness, the state of happiness will surely makes us authentically powerful. What does authentic power deliver? Find the answer below:

Excerpts:

Authentic power is the power that comes from Being Happy. Being happy means realizing that you cannot be happy unless you are in control of yourself.


This power allows you to experience being stronger, smarter, freer and more comfortable and fully yourself. It allows you to take action. It is the power TO DO IT! It is A CAN DO attitude even if you think you can't. It lets you decide what is good for you. It means doing what you can, when you can, rather than waiting for someone or something to change on it's own. It is a method of taking charge of your life and being responsible for yourself. It means finding the solutions to a problem, and making the best choice now.

Authentic power means never volunteering to make yourself a victim. It means that you do not try to control other people. It means that you do not allow yourself to be forced into acting the way that others think you should act. It allows you to feel like you can change the world because you are taking control of yourself. It allows you to deal with difficult people and anger when it arises. It gives you the ability to cope with fear and anxiety, forgive people and stop labeling them. Free yourself from self-doubt and despair, stop feeling guilty, and let go of the past so you don't react to the moment from your past conditioning. It means you become proactive to allow your wisdom and common sense to make the change you want to see in the next moment.

Authentic power is a mechanism to access new habits to self-empowerment. This power must always include wisdom because without wisdom power is unwieldy and hard to handle. Wisdom is nothing more than having the discipline to do the right thing at the right time.



January 15, 2013 Happiness Newsletter


Celebrate Your Independence. Experience your freedom from external circumstances. Declare Your Freedom with the Happiness Decision. Life's complicated, happiness isn't

Be Happy Zone

Authentic Power!

By Lionel Ketchian

Access The Happiness Zone And Its Great Content: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=001rxOp_4aBK0prxjqTfv3vzev3vb7ov2q_i_bVEge6kytNKTM-xknm5_R-8Osm1SNBnGVtxH5MbYfSmzmUKxJiF6XBSDHIE9woWUtcKLrwg5b_PM4ZrtnVrw%3D%3D

The Happiness Connection

Note From Jim:


Discover how powerful you will become by making the conscious choice, despite circumstance, to be happy. It's a decision and commitment that only you can make. Read Lionel Ketchien's Happiness Column. I look forward to his weekly newsletter, "The Happiness Zone." It always inspires me. Does it do the same for you?

Excepts:

There is another way to live your life. Decide to be happy no matter what. Wake up in the morning and decide to be happy. You go through the day and experience people and events that would make most people unhappy, but not you! You're too smart for that. You know that only you are in charge of your happiness. You would not want anyone else to be in charge of your happiness.


Access The Happiness Zone:  http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=001QYDB14zrJ48K4eXTPl4-LY86Q575ae7CuGQs0kN5S3KDlN4RqFzh3-VNt_pzPZbM6PF3USQCs7yfwVk1XmjuBWLW0_7GcHUQADdppMwkKtuUMMnIt7ERHA%3D%3D

Learning to Prevail: When Dreams Disappoint and Hopes Fail - Leadership Wired

Note From Jim:

Do you embrace failure in a heatlhy way?  Follow John Maxwell's sage advice.  Access his artcile to find out.  Follow the teaser below:

By The John Maxwell Company.

Excerpts:
How should a leader respond when her dream dies? How does a leader recover when his hopes are dashed?

1) A failed dream doesn’t make you a failure.

... possess an internal self-image that’s unaffected by outcomes. People with an unhealthy view of failure personalize it, seeing the failure as a reflection of their inadequacy. Conversely, those with a healthy outlook on life externalize failure. They understand its inevitability, and they look for the lessons it brings. One mindset wallows in the emotions of failure; the other works through them in anticipation of future triumphs.

2) Even when dreams die, our purpose remains.

... you will never exhaust your capacity to grow toward your potential, nor will you run out of opportunities to help others. Your dreams may not come true, but the purpose for which you were created always endures.

3) By reflecting on our purpose, we can birth new dreams.

Peering into our life’s purpose inspires us to revise our dreams or to give birth to new ones... The specific dream I choose to follow may not work out, but I still have a purpose, and I can keep exploring new avenues to realize it.

Access Article & Blog: http://www.johnmaxwell.com/blog/learning-to-prevail-when-dreams-disappoint-and-hopes-fail

"This article is used by permission from Leadership Wired, John Maxwell's premiere leadership newsletter, available for free subscription at www.johnmaxwell.com/newsletters."

 

The Power of Concentration - NYTimes - MARIA KONNIKOVA

Note From Jim:  

Learn from Columbia Doctoral student Maria Konnikova,  how "Mindfulness" can enhance personal and professional emotional states as well as human performance - now and in your senior years.

Best Always - Jim

****

Excerpts:
Published: December 15, 2012

... the very thing that cognitive psychologists mean when they say mindfulness.

... when it comes to experimental psychology, mindfulness is less about spirituality and more about concentration: the ability to quiet your mind, focus your attention on the present, and dismiss any distractions that come your way. The formulation dates from the work of the psychologist Ellen Langer, who demonstrated in the 1970s that mindful thought could lead to improvements on measures of cognitive function and even vital functions in older adults.

Even in small doses, mindfulness can effect impressive changes in how we feel and think — and it does so at a basic neural level.

... meditation-like thought could shift frontal brain activity toward a pattern that is associated with what cognitive scientists call positive, approach-oriented emotional states — states that make us more likely to engage the world rather than to withdraw from it.

As little as five minutes a day of intense Holmes-like inactivity, and a happier outlook is yours for the taking

mindfulness goes beyond improving emotion regulation. An exercise in mindfulness can also help with that plague of modern existence: multitasking.

The only participants to show improvement were those who had received the mindfulness training. Not only did they report fewer negative emotions at the end of the assignment, but their ability to concentrate improved significantly. They could stay on task longer and they switched between tasks less frequently. While the overall time they devoted to the assignment didn’t differ much from that of other groups, they spent it more efficiently

The concentration benefits of mindfulness training aren’t just behavioral; they’re physical. In recent years, mindfulness has been shown to improve connectivity inside our brain’s attentional networks, as well as between attentional and medial frontal regions — changes that save us from distraction. Mindfulness, in other words, helps our attention networks communicate better and with fewer interruptions than they otherwise would.

... how well we can monitor our own feelings and thoughts and that is considered a key waypoint between our two major attention networks, the default and the executive.

...the core of mindfulness is the ability to pay attention.

That’s the thing about mindfulness. It seems to slow you down, but it actually gives you the resources you need to speed up your thinking.

... new evidence suggests that not only can we learn into old age, but the structure of our brains can continue to change and develop. In 2006, a team of psychologists demonstrated that the neural activation patterns of older adults (specifically, activation in the prefrontal cortex), began to resemble those of much younger subjects after just five one-hour training sessions on a task of attentional control. Their brains became more efficient at coordinating multiple tasks — and the benefit transferred to untrained activities, suggesting that it was symptomatic of general improvement.

Similar changes have been observed in the default network (the brain’s resting-state activity).

The precise areas that show increased connectivity with mindfulness are also known to be pathophysiological sites of Alzheimer’s disease.

The implications are tantalizing. Mindfulness may have a prophylactic effect: it can strengthen the areas that are most susceptible to cognitive decline

Maria Konnikova is the author of “Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes” and a doctoral candidate in psychology at Columbia.

Access Article: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/16/opinion/sunday/the-power-of-concentration.html?smid=pl-share

Thrive - You are What You Believe

Note From Jim:

Ken and Denise offer inspiring wisdom that if believed, will enhance our ability to thrive personally and professionally. Believe! With good fortune, Ken Norwack of Envisa Learning invites me to regularly share his work with our readers. Many thanks to Ken and to you. Best Always - Jim

http://results.envisialearning.com/giving-thanks-you-are-what-you-belive/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ResultsVsActivities+%28Results+vs.+Activities%29

Giving Thanks….You are What You Believe
November 25, 2012 by Ken Nowack

“It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.”

W.C. Fields

I’d like to thank all my family and friends and repeat a Blog from a few years ago that hopefully will be inspiring during this upcoming Thanksgiving holiday……

You are What You Believe….  by Denise and Ken Nowack


Believe that most “breaks” and “luck” in life happen at the intersection between preparation and opportunity…

Believe in the good of people (belief in God is optional)…

Believe that we all need things in life that we don’t want and want things in life we don’t need…

Believe that things wind up being the very best for those who make the very best of how things wind up…

Believe that few things in life are as bad as we anticipate they will be nor quite as good as we count on them to be…

Believe that we should always strive to feel good, rather than, to just have good feelings…

Believe that if at first you don’t succeed—you are pretty much about average…

Believe that some people dream of success and others work hard to make it happen…

Believe that the two most difficult things in life to handle are failure and success…

Believe that all families are a little bit like brownies—mostly sweet with a few nuts part of the mix…

Believe that when life tests us it’s always best to turn to family and friends…

Believe and cherish the moment you are in, as yesterday has died and tomorrow has not yet arrived…

Believe that forgiveness is the fertilizer to enhancing personal relations and intimacy…

Believe that giving gratitude for what you have is the true secret of happiness…

Believe that the best vitamin to take to become a compassionate person is B1…

Believe that jumping for joy is really a good form of exercise …

Believe that you can’t get what you want from others in life if you don’t risk to at least ask for it…

Believe that the simplest act of kindness can make a big difference to others…

Believe that “richness” is measured not by how much money we have but how much others love us…

Believe that life fulfillment comes from doing what you have the greatest passion for and what you most believe in …

Believe that the three words, “I am sorry” can almost always mend and improve relationships with others…

Believe that the only real power people have over us is what we give them…

Believe that the right path is always to follow your own heart…

Believe in yourself and others will always believe in you…

You are what you believe…Be well….


*** Kenneth M. Nowack, Ph.D.President & Chief Research Officer, Co-Founder
Dr. Ken Nowack is a licensed psychologist (PSY 13758) and President & Chief Research Officer of Envisia Learning. He provides strategic vision/leadership, conceptual product design and development, research, public relations, and advanced client relations.

Embracing Uncertainty - Be Happy Zone - Lionel Ketchien

November 12th, 2012

[The Wisdom Of Dr.] Susan Jeffers


One truth that we can all agree on is the fact that we live in an uncertain world. It seems that this is true now more than ever before. Maybe we have always lived in an uncertain world and it is only now with the events we experience these days that seem to make that fact even more real to us.

In 2003 I finished reading a really great book called: Embracing Uncertainty by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. This book is about exploring, understanding, and coping with the anxiety most people feel about the uncertain nature of everyday life. Susan wrote another great book that you may recognize. It is called Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, It was also a truly wonderful and empowering book, and was the first of many books she has written.

I had the opportunity of doing an hour phone interview with Dr. Jeffers in April 2003. Susan lived with her husband in Los Angeles, California. Some of the things you should know about Susan is that she was great thinker and she has a wonderful way of putting her thoughts into a book for you to benefit from the wisdom acquired from her experiences. Dr. Jeffers really understands the basis of happiness, and explains, "Always remember that how we live our lives is a personal decision, not something that is put upon us from the outside world."

She discusses ways to create a "WONDERING LIFE" instead of a "HOPING LIFE." Instead of hoping things are different you can learn to create a wondering mind and wonder how things will turn out rather than worry about how they will turn out. This gives you the power of detaching from the outcome and reducing your stress and anxiousness, worry and fear. Dr. Jeffers recommends that people, "CHOOSE THE PATH OF TRUST." What does she mean by choosing the path of trust? This is what she says, "When you fully understand that you have little control in the external world, you then have two choices: you can choose to see yourself as a poor-me victim at the mercy of circumstances...or you can choose to develop the trust that, no matter what happens in your life or in the world, you will have the inner strength to create something good from it all. Hopefully you will choose the latter!"

I have found so much agreement with the things Dr. Jeffers talks about, such as this: "It makes us so much happier when we don't have the need to be right. Trust me when I tell you that you will feel so much freer with the power of MAYBE." Susan introduces us to this interesting concept, "the power of MAYBE." In her book Susan goes on to say, "You notice that I haven't mentioned peace of mind, joy, fun, creativity, or spontaneity. That is because these wonderful feelings go with a lack of expectations. The irony is that while we think our expectations are giving us a measure of control, our expectations are really controlling us!"

Can you imagine not letting worry get the best of you? You will if you understand what Dr. Jeffers says, "When you're feeling lousy about something happening in your life or in the world, it isn't about the something happening that is the problem, it's your inability to let go of the expectation of how it's supposed to be." She gives us the wisdom to understand that we can have more control by realizing we do not have control of the outside world and the many things that can happen that we wish did not happen.

Dr. Jeffers teaches us, "When attached to outcomes, by definition, we are attached to unhappiness. As hard as we try, as fast as we go, we can never feel the security of being in control of the outside world. When we break our attachment to our expectations of control, we become happier people. If you knew you could find happiness in whatever state you found yourself -- ill health or good health, rich or poor, in a great relationship or not, and so on -- then your worry about the uncertainty in your life would be greatly diminished."

Dr. Jeffers advises us to, "INCREASE YOUR INNER SENSE OF POWER. One way to help you develop trust in yourself is to cut off the negativity in the mind by saying to yourself over and over again, Whatever happens in my life, I'll handle it! While we can't control the world around us, we can certainly learn how to respond to all things -- yes, ALL THINGS - in a health-affirming way. We have the power to create a life that feels good, rather than one that feels bad -- despite the actual circumstances in our lives and in our world." Do you feel that life has treated you less than fairly? Well, as Dr. Jeffers says, "The prime cause of our suffering is our wanting things to be different than they are! Happiness is the best revenge!"

Access The Happiness Newsletter And Its Inspiring Content:  - http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=001UIzoyTILna2iyLBFB7y5Hqjz5R-XYTSoSNmTkCIj5VmQsLQf8i5c0VkAp-cgQY8a0s3zj1wiXCMJgc7v5XLoDKepM6h9t9il4TWlZmAb7Xn5xC5oALEHIw%3D%3D

The Heart Grows Smarter - By DAVID BROOKS, New York Times

November 5, 2012


"The Men kept changing..... In case after case, the magic formula is capacity for intimacy combined with persistence, discipline, order and dependability. The men who could be affectionate about people and organized about things had very enjoyable lives."

Excerpts

... as this study — the Grant Study — progressed, the power of relationships became clear. The men who grew up in homes with warm parents were much more likely to become first lieutenants and majors in World War II. The men who grew up in cold, barren homes were much more likely to finish the war as privates.


... having a warm childhood was powerful. As George Vaillant, the study director, sums it up in “Triumphs of Experience,” his most recent summary of the research, “It was the capacity for intimate relationships that predicted flourishing in all aspects of these men’s lives.”

... as [George George Vaillant, the study director, “Triumphs of Experience,” his most recent summary of the research, ] Vaillant puts it, “What goes right is more important than what goes wrong.” The positive effect of one loving relative, mentor or friend can overwhelm the negative effects of the bad things that happen.


In case after case, the magic formula is capacity for intimacy combined with persistence, discipline, order and dependability. The men who could be affectionate about people and organized about things had very enjoyable lives.


But a childhood does not totally determine a life. The beauty of the Grant Study is that, as Vaillant emphasizes, it has followed its subjects for nine decades. The big finding is that you can teach an old dog new tricks. The men kept changing all the way through, even in their 80s and 90s.




Access Full Article and David Brook's Other Inspiring Content: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/06/opinion/brooks-the-heart-grows-smarter.html?emc=eta1&_r=0&pagewanted=print

The Unhappiness Conspiracy - Lionel Ketchian

Be Happy Zone October 15th, 2012

Welcome to the Happiness Zone my Extraordinary Friend!

by Lionel Ketchian

I have uncovered The Unhappiness Conspiracy! People are conspiring against you and they are engaged in a "system" that is "designed" to take your power away from you. If you like "intrigue," this story is for you! It may cause you to want to take action to change things so you can take back your power.

You may start saying, "I'm Unhappy As Hell, And I'm Not Going To Take It Any More!

The plot thickens because you are not going to believe who is behind this conspiracy. The "story" of this conspiracy will amaze you. Everything we know is part of The Unhappiness Conspiracy. Such as government, politics, wars, religion, justice, psychology, medical, news reports, businesses and advertising commercials. Without giving it much thought, you could probably add many more categories to this list.

But first you will have to understand the "arrangement" that is made against you. There is a complete "system" at work against you, and you will need to learn the "format" for the conspiracy. If you don't learn how the "scheme" works you can't get free. There really is a "method" to the madness, but you need the ability to decipher it.

The Unhappiness Conspiracy is a "pain plan." There is plenty of preparation for the "TUC." There is a complete "strategy" to make it all work out "unhappily." The "idea" has been to keep you unhappy now. For generations the "design" has been worked out and engineered by the best minds in the world. You could make a "map out" the unhappiness that has been "contrived against you!"

But did you know who the main conspirator is? I am almost afraid to tell you who it is because my life could be in danger. If I tell you who it is, do you promise to protect me? If I don't tell you, than we are all in danger. I have no choice but to tell you who the main conspirator is. I am in danger either way, but at least you will be saved from the danger that exists. Will you promise not to keep it a secret?

The Unhappiness Conspiracy is alive and well. It breeds on thoughts of fear. It maintains power by manipulating others to hand over their power by using your unhappiness as a tool of choice. The Unhappiness Conspiracy only works because people go along with it. They do this willingly because they don't know how it conspires against them. The Unhappiness Conspiracy needs the cooperation of each and every one of you. That means you...most especially you! Without you The Unhappiness Conspiracy would collapse, because the scheme would be revealed.

Do you know who the prime suspect is? Let's play CSI; lets do a Crime Scene Investigation. Okay, we have someone who is experiencing unhappiness. This is a crime and we have to get to the bottom of it to find out...who done it! When we question the suspect we find no evidence linking anyone to this unhappiness crime seen but the suspect themselves. We find that the suspect has committed the crime all by himself but why would he or she commit a crime against him or her self?

Let's investigate this further. We have a human being that wants something. They can't seem to get what they think they want at the moment. So what do they do, they commit a crime, they become unhappy! It's an open and shut case. It is the basic motive of all crimes. Who stands to gain from getting what they wanted? You do! You were the one who wanted something, or did not get something you wanted! As a result of not getting what you wanted or getting what you didn't want, you did the crime! You made yourself unhappy.

As they say, "if you can't do the time, don't do the crime." Unhappiness is a crime, and it is punishable by life. Anyone who is unhappy will be imprisoned with himself or herself for a life sentence. I know it does not seem fair, but who says life is fair for the unhappy!

So if you want to know the facts and just the facts about The Unhappiness Conspiracy. Listen closely to me...You Are The Unhappiness Conspiracy! The conspiracy is real as long as you feed it with your thoughts about the unhappiness story you keep with you always. It is time to get rid of the "story line" so you can get rid of The Unhappiness Conspiracy.

The Unhappiness Conspiracy works to keep you a prisoner of your own crime so that others can get you to do what they want you to do. Since they are unhappy as well they need you to keep them in power by giving up your power to them.

If you are ever going to be free, then you need to become aware that The Unhappiness Conspiracy is going to include you. Why do others join in The Unhappiness Conspiracy? The reason is they do not know they are responsible for doing it. They are not aware they are dong it. They do not realize the consequences of their actions. Most of all they are not conscious of being unhappy. In fact, only a happy person is conscious.

So you are under a spell of The Unhappiness Conspiracy. The real crime is that you have put yourself there. Some good news for you is that if you have put yourself there, then you can take yourself out of there. Your parents, teachers, schools, businesses, religious institutions and the world has made you think you must be unhappy to get what you want. You were happy when you were a child. Become a child again and free yourself.

Cast off the chains of illusion and crawl out of the cave of craving. It is time to stand up strong and be counted amongst the happy. As few as we are The Unhappiness Conspiracy is being threatened with extinction by the happy. The numbers of happy people are growing stronger every hour and every day. Join Us, and Become One Of The Happy Freedom Fighters Overcoming The Unhappiness Conspiracy!

There is another conspiracy that has always been in effect. When you can live simply and happily you will have everything you need and really want. Realize you have enough and you have just added more to your life. But don't be fooled into thinking I am just a dreamer. You are witnessing the birth of "The Universal Happiness Conspiracy."

"The Universal Happiness Conspiracy," is a worldwide international sweeping whole, it is entire and complete and it is present and infinite and becoming widely accepted and very common indeed! Thank God! When you are happy the universe conspires to give you what you need.

Access The Happiness Zone And It's Great Content: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=001qNpDsySIaELtXYLfc_XpNvCXz7ZvgtEw4_MUKfN56hFhMigkN-_kpVdegDKVdEV1ZelFdLwGVvS0_-jsp_to5PS70w4P-fI9eQn7JErLacDEle3rX8suGA%3D%3D

The Secret to Health, Performance and Success: The Positivity to Negativity Ratio - Envisia - Kenneth Nowack

September 9, 2012

“If you have nothing to say, say nothing.”

Mark Twain

Here’s the answer: at least 3:1 to 5:1.

What’s the question?

Is there a universal ratio (P/N) of positive to negative communications, interactions and behaviors that predicts individual health, longevity, performance, relationship success and how team’s perform?

Across different disciplines, researchers continue to find an interesting relationship between “positive to negative” expressions of thoughts, attitudes and behavior that seem to predict things as diverse as how long we will live to how effectively teams function and product great results. This is sometimes referred to as the positivity to negativity ratio. Here are a few examples:

Longevity in Life

Handwritten autobiographies from 180 Catholic nuns, composed when participants were a mean age of 22 years, were scored for emotional content and related to survival during ages 75 to 951. The autobiography was to contain no more than two to three hundred words and should be written on a single sheet of paper. The nuns were asked to include place of birth, parentage, interesting childhood events, schools attended, influences that led to the convent, religious life, and outstanding events.

Their study revealed that the nuns whose autobiographies contained the most sentences expressing positive emotions lived an average of seven years longer than nuns whose stories contained the fewest. Further, lifespan increased by 9.5 years for nuns whose autobiographies contained the most words referring to positive emotions and by 10.5 years for nuns who used the greatest variety of positive-emotion words.

Positive Feedback

When we use 360-degree feedback assessments we always include at least 1-2 open-ended questions at the end of the questionnaire asking raters about perceived strengths to leverage and behaviors the leader can do more, less or differently to become even more effective. Smither and Walker (2004) analyzed the impact of upward feedback ratings as well as narrative comments over a one-year period for 176 managers2.

They found that those who received a small number of unfavorable behaviorally based comments improved more than other managers but those who received a large number (relative to positive comments) significantly declined in performance more than other managers. This is the only study I know of that has found that qualitative feedback in 360 interventions might actually be disengaging and demoralizing to participants if the ratio of positive to negative feedback is low.

Marriage/Relationship Longevity

John Gottman (1994) followed 700 couples for 10 years and found that when there was less than a 5 to 1 positive to negative interactions in a videotaped interaction of fifteen minutes it predicted subsequent divorce with 90% to 94% accuracy3.

He has observed couples for over 30 years, at his apartment-style laboratory, the “love lab” at the University of Washington. A Positive-to-Negative Ratio of 0.8 or less is a strong indicator of divorce with the most corrosive behaviors including:

• Criticism: Expressions indicating a defect in one’s partner’s personality (example: “You always talk about yourself”). Contempt: Expressions of superiority (example: “You just can’t get things right).”

• Defensiveness: Expressions of righteous indignation (example: “It’s not my fault that we’re always late—you are the one holding us up”).

• Stonewalling: Emotional withdrawal from interaction (e.g., ignoring the other individual).

Criticism predicted early divorcing (an average of 5.6 years after the wedding) and emotional withdrawal and anger predict later divorcing (an average of 16.2 years after the wedding).

Psychological Well-Being/Life Satisfaction

Fredrickson (2005) examined students’ month-long diaries and the positive/negative ratio of emotions seemed to differentiate those who were languishing from those who were high in psychological well-being4. She found that students who expressed a ratio of 3 times as many positive emotions than negative emotions reported significantly higher levels of life satisfaction and happiness than the other students.

Team Effectiveness

Over the years we have run developmental assessment centers that always have at least one leaderless group exericse. We can easily observe the differences between groups that appear to function effectively from those who don’t based on the communications and interpersonal behavior of the group members–not how smart any individual is or the collective experience or technical expertise of the members.

Recent studies have established that teams with positive to negative interaction ratios greater than 3 to 1 are significantly more productive than teams that do not reach this ratio (Things can worsen if the ratio goes higher than 13 to 1). Marcial Losada brought 60 management teams into a simulated board room where they could hold actual meetings5. Behind mirrors, researchers observed and coded every statement made by each individual on three scales:

1. Positive statements (support, optimism, appreciation) versus negative statements (disapproval, sarcasm, cynicism).

2. Self-focused statements (refer to the person speaking, the group present, or the company) versus other-focused statements (references to a person or group not part of the company).

3. Inquiry (questions aimed at exploring an idea) versus advocacy (arguments in favor of their own point of view).

Losada also measured something he called connectivity or how attuned or responsive the team members were to each other. Finally he gathered data on three dependent variables: profitability, customer satisfaction, and evaluations by superiors, peers and subordinates. In the study, positive to negative ratio (P/N) was measured by counting the instances of positive feedback (e.g. “that is a good idea”) vs. negative feedback (e.g. “this is not what I expected; I am disappointed”).

Overall, high performance teams had a P/N ratio of 5.6, medium performance teams a P/N of 1.9 and low performance teams a P/N of 0.36 (more negative than positive).

Taken together, it seems that the secret to individual and team health and productivity might be as simple as accentuating the positive to negative ratio of emotions and behaviors and being aware of when our own self-talk and expressions seem tilted in the wrong direction.

I will have to ask my wife, who is registered dietitian, if this ratio also applies to healthy eating….Be well….

1. Danner, D., Snowdon, D., & Friesen, W. (2001). Positive emotions in early life and longevity: Findings from the nun study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80, 804-813 [↩]

2. Smither, J. & Walker, A.G. (2004). Are the characteristics of narrative comments related to improvement in multirater feedback ratings over time? Personnel Psychology, 89, 575-581 [↩]

3. Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum [↩]

4. Fredrickson, B. L. & Losada, M. (2005). Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing. American Psychologist, 60, 678-686 [↩]
5. Losada, M., & Heaphy, E. (2004). The role of positivity and connectivity in the performance of business teams: A nonlinear dynamics model. American Behavioral Scientist, 47, 740–765 [↩]

Access Article, Source, And Great Ongoing Content: http://results.envisialearning.com/the-secret-to-health-performance-and-success-the-positivity-to-negativity-ratio/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ResultsVsActivities+%28Results+vs.+Activities%29  

A "Happy Me!" - Happiness Newsletter - Lionel Ketchian

August 1.2012 Happiness Newsletter

Be Happy Zone


EXCERTED ARTICLE

A "Happy Me!"

By Lionel Ketchian

Dear Lionel,

"I read an article, via InnerSelf Magazine that brought me to the Happiness Club web page, and then to you a few weeks ago. Since then, I have been wondering about getting in touch with you in regard to Happiness coaching. For the past couple of years, I have started wondering and searching for a "happy me," that kind of disappeared. I would like to find it again and get it back. I have tried many things on my own. This includes counseling (for a few sessions) to the many books I have read like that of Napoleon Hill, Anthony Robbins, Rev. Norman Vincent Peale, Steven Covey, Wallace Wattles, Echkart Tolle, the Bible and many others in bits and pieces. But still, "I" elude myself it seems, and wonder how can I be happy. More so, when I look at all things around me, and feel so thankful and grateful for the life I have been blessed with, still "something" eludes me. Thank you in advance for your reply." - S.A.

Dear S.A.,

Thanks for your e-mail letter. I appreciate your finding me and asking me to answer your question. First of all let me congratulate you for being a person that has spent some time searching for answers. It is certainly true that the books you have been reading are some of the very best available in understanding our purpose and learning our way into happiness.

You say: "when I look at all things around me, and feel so thankful and grateful for the life I have been blessed with." My question to you is how often do you look at your life with thankfulness and gratitude? Are you doing it when you first get up in the morning and throughout the day, all day, as well? Are you being grateful for all the little things that happen to you and all the things that don't happen to you, thank God? Thankfulness and gratefulness are just about 95% of happiness. In fact it may well be impossible to be grateful and unhappy. The two states just do not go together.

The other thing that comes to my mind about happiness eluding you may well be that you are trying to hard. If you want something too much, you actually push it away from you and out of reach. Being too needy can make you more needy. Happiness comes naturally without struggle. Struggle will put space between you and happiness for sure. Why don't you try easy?

Let happiness happen. In regard to this very subject, let me tell you what Rev. Norman Vincent Peale said in his own words, "Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy." So here we have another dimension to become aware of and that is your own self-confidence. If you don't act like you are happy, then you are probably not going to become happy.

One more thing that I think is very important about happiness. Remember that happiness is not something you will find outside of you. Happiness is inside of you my friend. Happiness will never be found in possessions, in a job, not even in family or friends. In fact happiness is not about what can make you happy. Happiness is not conditional on anything at all but you.

Happiness is an attitude you bring into being within yourself. It is, as a matter of fact, an altitude that you attain by rising higher within yourself. Nothing can take happiness away because happiness is unconditional. Nothing causes happiness; it is not the effect of something else. Happiness is cause within itself. If you look for happiness out there somewhere or with someone, than you are looking for happiness as an effect of something. That is what everyone is trying to do and not succeeding. Happiness is causative; it produces a state within you that makes you much more powerful than you can be when you are unhappy.

Dear S.A., when you say, "still "something" eludes me." I have the answer for you on that as well. You are eluding yourself. Wake up and smell the coffee and drink it now. It is very important to understand that when you are unconscious you can never be happy. This is the reason that so many people are unhappy because they are unconscious. Yes, they are using their mind and they are thinking, but they are either in the past or they are projecting into the future. They are certainly not present, only a conscious person can be happy.

Happiness is consciousness. It is a high degree of awareness that can only be experienced by a conscious person. Being tuned into the present moment allows you to experience happiness.

You said: "I have started wondering and searching for a "happy me," that kind of disappeared." OK S.A., it is time to stop letting the outside world tell you how to feel and act. If the "happy me disappeared," that means it was there once. That also means it is still there. Now it is up to you! Who you will nourish with you mind and thoughts and feelings? The unhappy me will always find something to complain about in your life. The happy me is there and is just waiting for you to give it permission to live your life to the fullest. It is always your choice my friend and it is up to you to decide right now.

This is not the end of the journey. This is just the beginning. We have so much support for you that if you did nothing but read these articles every other week that would be enough. Keep happiness first and foremost and it will serve you well my friend. Unhappiness is an epidemic that must come to an end because it causes so much turmoil. It makes people feel like they are helpless.

Let go of unhappiness and embrace happiness with all your heart and soul. When you get the happiness feeling back you will know that you made the right choice. Help yourself by making your decision to be happy no matter what. I wish happiness.

ACCESS NEWSLETTER AND THHE WISDOM IT SHARES: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=0012h5dFDYJvhkEjyurqvSMqs6T7MnQTekbY90BYtEL7wIOFkLAK3VqkcJYNstfHQ4lP0-iIVuTpOvFNurnCiGPNGUKx55PENn32nD2_32xAaYmlq-6cXFZDQ%3D%3D

ACCEPTANCE - Lionel Ketchian - July 1, 2012 Happiness Newsletter

July 1, 2012 Happiness Newsletter - Be Happy Zone
By Lionel Ketchian

EXCERPTS

It is the resistance that is causing you all the problems. . If you just accept that you feel bad right now, then you can accept your feeling without making yourself feel worse that you feel something negative.

As Eckhart Tolle wrote in his book, The Power Of Now: "By watching the mechanics of the mind, you step out of its resistance patterns, and you can then allow the present moment to be.

Accepting the way you are for right now, for this moment only, you free yourself from wanting things to be different in the future.

You can't change what has already happened to you. You can only choose to accept it. Once you accept it, you have done more to change it than you ever could do by not accepting it.

Don't try to be happy, choose it and be happy. Being happy will allow you to take control of your thinking. Being unhappy allows your thinking to take control of you. By not having control of our thinking and happiness we create our problems. By not being accepting, we allow unhappiness to step in. We cannot change this moment. Acceptance of this moment allows us to experience peace. We may not like what has happened but we can be at peace with it. This allows us the peace of mind to see what our best choices are now.



Access Article, Website And Great Content: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=0013dcFqZEsrWmbPb3VmAIwyYoPA-xBXImcH90cVEy4p5uRHGrvmBvNCb9KMWSTO5xTDFEsXQkf4zmlMLc3YL_v2Ywud0nTBFCa6QRw0MGkfDgXzMgVaUPK9A%3D%3D

RELATIONSHIPS - Happiness Newsletter - Lionel Ketchian

Excerpted From May 15, 2012 Happiness Newsletter

Be Happy Zone
By Lionel Ketchian

We have many relationships in our life. I have many great relationships with people who read this newsletter. Thank you for the wonderful relationship that we share. I positively appreciate your interest in happiness.

Relationships are very interesting. You start off by having a relationship with your mother and father, then you meet the rest of your family members. You developed relationships while growing up and making friends in school. You developed relationships at work. Then you find that special person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and live happily ever after. How does it all work out? For most people it turns out that relationships are one of the most difficult things they have experienced.

People think that relationships can cause happiness or that relationships can cause suffering. The truth is that relationships don't cause either one. Relationships can't make you happy, but if you are happy then you can experience happiness in your relationship. People think that relationships can make you experience suffering. The truth is that relationships do not make you unhappy or create suffering. They reveal the unhappiness that is within you.

You are probably saying to yourself right now, "He never met the person I am living with." Well, being right or wrong has nothing to do with it. It does not matter who is right or wrong. What matters is whether you react or respond to the person. The reason we react in a relationship is that something within us is there to begin with. If we get angry, sad or afraid, then the relationship can only evoke the emotion that was there all along to be provoked.

Relationships are a great way to experience knowing yourself. That is what a relationship can do for you. A relationship can get you to really know yourself better that anything in the world. Why does this happen? In every relationship there comes a time when the other person cannot meet the needs and demands that you think you have, or your ego thinks you have. This is when the problem presents itself. At this point the relationship acts more like an addiction than a loving bond. This is the point that you need to learn more about yourself than you ever have.

It is at this stage of a relationship that pain, suffering and unhappiness surface. They were there all along, but the relationship just enabled you to see it. The relationship is not here to make you happy. It is here to help make you conscious. In other words the relationship provides the means for you to realize you have a choice to be happy. The relationship cannot make you happy, it can only awaken you to your potentiality for being happy.

One of the biggest problems for relationships lies in the inability to let go of the past. The other side of the coin is our fear of the future. When we live in the moment we can truly embrace our relationship now. People believe that through negativity they can change their relationships. This it the heart of the problem. Only when you accept the situation in this moment and not resist it, can you have any power over it.

So, if you become unhappy in a relationship you have an opportunity for growth. Relationships give you a chance to get to know yourself and experience growth. The most important relationship you can have is with yourself. Just learn to be yourself. As you get to know yourself better and accept yourself you get along better with yourself. You are who you are, accept it. It does not matter what other people think of you. Self-acceptance is of the utmost importance in your relationship.

Once you have begun to like yourself and have stopped trying to change yourself, then you can finally become friends with yourself. This is one of the most important relationships you can have. Only when you have accepted yourself can you accept other people. Only when you stop being judgmental of yourself can you be less judgmental of others. It is at this time that you can love others as yourself. It all starts with being yourself, your direct relationship with yourself.

Legendary pianist Arthur Rubinstein, lived from 1887 to 1983, and he loved life to the fullest. He once described himself as the happiest person he had ever met. As Arthur Rubinstein once said, "Accept life unconditionally. Life holds so much -- so much to be happy about always. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can be felt only if you don't set any conditions."

Access Newletter And Its Great Content: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=001MLAw4fjEPpVcyH0XHtVlX_rt1lRa_86FGKlCWA8EnNIc514139ii1FUVDZ4hlI0bnq1GFG44OMLZJQtRHn2ThI_4Vcemce3LlS14WJuXb04iZ_jZs5k14w%3D%3D

Facing Boredom! - The Happiness Club - The Be Happiness Zone - Lionel Ketchian

By Lionel Ketchian
April 1,2012

With all the interesting things that are going on in my life, people ask me, are you excited? My answer is no, I'm not excited. Actually, I am at peace. Why do I experience peace when most people see the excitement? I have been working on not being afraid to face boredom. Our minds seem to feed on drama and excitement to make us feel that we are alive and kicking.

Facing our boredom may seem very dull, but the truth is that it is liberating. I do not even mind getting stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. I do not try to find it but when it happens it is perfectly all right with me. I have been finding that in facing my boredom I do not experience any lack of interest. I seem to have overcome the need to run away from trying to face boredom.

An essential component of this is not reacting to things that happen for which we have no control. It is our resistance to the situations that occur in life that creates all our problems. It is right at the moment when things get bad that your thinking becomes your worst enemy. It is better to remain calm in the moment. It is in this moment that our thinking becomes our worst nightmare.

To be bored is to be so uninteresting a person that you cannot face yourself. The problem with this is that you do a lot of activity to avoid yourself. We need to be occupied so we are not alone with our thoughts driving us crazy. I am learning to disregard my thoughts and enjoy the awareness of not thinking about every last thought that enters my mind.

If you have not tried this before it is truly a path to freedom. I have improved my ability to focus my mind on things when I need to. I have always felt my memory was not very dependable. Now that I carry much less on my mind, I have more room for the important thoughts. Most importantly, I have much more control of my thinking. I am not letting my thinking control me as much as it did.

How is this possible? It is really very simple. I allow myself to experience being happy in the moment. I trust the moment to present me with what ever I need to experience. The most important thing about what I am telling you is that I have let go of the past. It is not in my present moment awareness. The past is dead and gone, unless we fan the flames.

This is true for the good things as well as the bad ones. We don't need to think about either one of them. The present moment is more than enough, unless you don't want to be happy for the rest of your life. In that case hold on to the past and ignore the present moment.

We are all searching for peace. We think peace is having everything work out the way we want it to be. That is not peace, it is control. The problem with that kind of control is that our mind is never happy with anything that we get. Our mind goes right to work finding out what else we need or is not right in our world.

It is time to start facing ourselves. If you don't give up your unhappiness, you will never be happy. Start giving unhappiness up right now. Now is the time to give happiness a chance. If you want to learn more about what I am talking about I suggest you read a book called The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. It is a very simple and powerful book to help you find the stillness within you.

Access The Happy Zone Newsletter: Click here

Man's Search For Meaning - Happiness Newsletter - Lionel Ketchian

By Lionel Ketchian

Dr. Viktor E. Frankl wrote Man's Search For Meaning 53 years ago. I consider it to be among some of the most profound books ever written.

Many people know Dr. Frankl's famous quote which is as follows: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." This is not only a famous quote but is also a triumph of truth. What most people do not know is the rest of the quotation that follows along right after this one. Dr. Frankl goes on to write: "And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom."

One of the reasons I respect Dr. Frankl and his book is that he has personally experienced the very worst that mankind could bestow on their fellow man. Yet, he shows us triumph in our ability to choose the right thing to do in any time and place. He also knows the impact of the power of making a decision. I have said, "Happiness is a decision." Decisions are the most important factors in our existence. They affect our future and can even change our circumstances no matter what it is that we think we are facing.

You can see how important the decision making process is to the very survival of the individual. Dr. Frankl continues this intelligent logic by stating, "It becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone. Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him -- mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp."

The decision to be happy led me to the understanding that "to be happy," is needing, and wanting to be happy at some future time. That is when I figured out that it is all about 'being happy,' because being happy is something you are doing right now, not later. Being happy has made me free, because it has not only given me freedom but also has shown me what freedom looks, feels, and tastes like. Being happy is a freeing experience, like being let out of prison. Part of that experience comes from not wanting or needing everything to go my way all the time. That freedom has allowed me to experience peace. For what is peace but freedom from wanting? Don't get me wrong, I still want things, but I don't get upset because things don't go my way. Instead I have learned to prefer things rather than demand them. I have preferences instead of demands. I am much better off, because that makes me proactive in achieving what I want.

The way to empower yourself is to decide to be happy no matter what. Choose happiness over everything else. This gives you the power to deal with life and deal with yourself. Happiness is a powerful strategy for those who practice it. When you're happy it gives you the awareness to realize the choices you have and what option is right for you. What is the real power that you have in doing this? You have power over yourself, and this is very important my friend, because being happy is authentic power.

Dr. Frankl's book starts off explaining his experiences in the concentration camp. The profoundness of his book is that he is actually telling us about happiness and freedom within each of us. Even when Dr. Frankl speaks about suffering, he enlightens us to understand that when we find meaning in our suffering, we find our power again.

We give our happiness to others for many reasons. Then we think that they make us unhappy. The truth is that we have given others the power over ourselves. We must take our power back in order to be happy again. Happiness is an issue of power. Learn to use the power of happiness to deal with difficult people and circumstances in your life and you will prevail.

We search for happiness as a fruit to be picked. Happiness is a seed that must be planted.

Access Lionel's Newsletter and Great Web Content, And Details About His Sponsored Programs: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=0015_lm2NH4ZFKdX8P-0um9vXwM8zwPj5iZDto7mjhON7--PP9CUZTOCHkDILSGPTm3hxizYxQMPPaxtaqnVZsP6NwKJvDVF8cC66XEvwFnArGPmr7-GDy5Eg%3D%3D

Talent, Passion, and the Creativity Maze - HBR

HBR Blog Network.


Teresa Amabile and Steve Kramer


12:25 PM Monday February 27, 2012

by Teresa Amabile and Steve Kramer
Comments (7)

HBR FEATURED PRODUCTS

Nine Things Successful People Do Differently

by Heidi Halvorson     $3.99     Buy it now »

 Betterness: Economics for Humans

by Umair Haque     $2.99     Buy it now »

We live in a world mad for talent. From Hollywood and sports to executive search firms and HR departments around the globe, everyone seeks that special mix of natural abilities and attitudes that will make performance pop. A few months ago, Douglas Conant wrote a terrific blog post on how to find talented candidates for a job. When evaluating a potential hire, Conant looks for a strong mix of three qualities — competence, character, and skill as a team player. He gives great advice on how to find such a person. But he's missing a crucial ingredient.

That ingredient, at least as important as the talent package described by Conant, is passion for the work — what psychologists call intrinsic motivation. Without it, no amount of talent will yield great performance. For 35 years, we have been exploring how motivation affects creativity. In studies involving groups as diverse as children, college students, professional artists, and knowledge workers, we have found that people are more creative when they are more strongly intrinsically motivated — driven by interest, enjoyment, satisfaction, and a sense of personal challenge in the work they are doing.

Arthur Schawlow, a Nobel laureate in physics, said it eloquently: "The labor of love aspect is important. The successful scientists often are not the most talented, but the ones who are just impelled by curiosity. They've got to know what the answer is."

Intrinsically motivated people are more creative because they engage more deeply with the work. Imagine a task you have to do — say, an important marketing problem you have to solve at work — as a maze you need to get through. Most business problems have multiple solutions that would work, multiple exits from that maze. Often, there is one clear, straight path out of the maze — the standard solution that everyone uses for this type of problem. If you're extrinsically motivated, perhaps by a looming deadline or fear of a negative evaluation, you're likely to take that safe path. The solution works, but it's boring; it doesn't move things forward. But if you're intrinsically motivated, you love the hunt through the maze for a more interesting — and likely more creative — solution.

As a manager, you can leverage the link between passion and creativity by following three guidelines:

First, hire for passion as much as for talent. If you don't look for passion in the people you hire, you could end up with employees who never engage deeply enough to dazzle you with their creative productivity. As Conant advises, get to know potential hires for important positions as thoroughly as possible, long before you might have an opening for them. When you talk to them, ask why they do what they do, what disappointments they've had, what their dream job would be. Look for fire in their eyes as they talk about the work itself, and listen for a deep desire to do something that hasn't been done before. When you talk to their references, watch for mentions of passion.

Second, nourish that passion. Unfortunately, standard management approaches often (unwittingly) end up dousing passion and killing creativity. But keeping it alive isn't rocket science. We have found that the single most important thing you can do to fuel intrinsic motivation is to support people's progress in the work that they are so passionate about. This is the progress principle, and it applies even to the seemingly minor small wins that can lead to great breakthroughs. You can use the progress principle by understanding what progress and setbacks your people are experiencing day by day, getting at the root causes, and doing whatever you can to remove the inhibitors and enhance the catalysts to progress.

For example, be vigilant about whether your creative professionals have sufficient resources to make progress without a constant struggle. Give them autonomy in how to achieve a project's goals, because there's no point in hiring people with great talent if you don't let them use it. And support them in learning from both successes and failures, because talent is not a fixed quantity; it can and should grow over time. Give talented people every opportunity to develop, keeping in mind the "10,000 hour rule" cited by Malcolm Gladwell: You can't become expert enough to create an innovative breakthrough in a field unless you have put in at least 10,000 hours of practice. That kind of persistence is fueled by passion.

Finally, look to yourself. If you don't have passion for your own work, you'll end up disappointing both yourself and those who count on you. And you're unlikely to develop your own best talents. One of us, Steve, is an avid photographer of landscapes. An important mentor, the photographer Craig Tanner, has taught both of us a great deal about the connection between passion and the development of talent. In a brilliant essay on "The Myth of Talent," Craig says: "Long-term, focused, practice powered by the energy of passion [...] leads to amazing transformations. The bumbling beginner becomes the exalted expert. The trapped and depressed become the liberated and empowered."

Ask yourself: Am I liberated and empowered by passion in my work? Are the people around me?


Teresa Amabile is Edsel Bryant Ford Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School. She researches what makes people creative, productive, happy, and motivated at work. Steven Kramer is a psychologist and independent researcher. They are coauthors of The Progress Principle (Harvard Business Review Press, 2011); visit its website.


Access Source And Its Great Content: http://blogs.hbr.org/hbsfaculty/2012/02/talent-passion-and-the-creativ.html?referral=00563&cm_mmc=email-_-newsletter-_-daily_alert-_-alert_date&utm_source=newsletter_daily_alert&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=alert_date

Overcoming the Blues! - The Happy Zone - The Happiness Club

By Lionel Ketchian 02/01/2012

2000 years ago, Epictetus said: "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." If you are unhappy now, then in the next moment you will be no happier than you have been now. The good news is that this can work the other way for you. If you decide to be happy now, your next moment will be no less than what is has been.

Your happiness or unhappiness is your intention to decide how things will continue to be. If you decide to be happy than you have set that intention ahead of you to act as your trailblazer for the path you shall travel. Life is hard enough the way it is without being your own worst enemy!

In March of 2001, Researchers at the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston reached their conclusions about the protective effect of happiness after analyzing data on 2,478 men and women. They were all 65 years of age or older. These people were all given a questionnaire that consisted of twenty questions or statements that required a yes or no response. Sixteen of these were negative pronouncements such as "I felt that I could not shake off the blues, even with the help of my family and friends," "I thought that my life had been a failure" and "I felt fearful." The other four statements were positive, such as "I felt that I was just as good as other people," and "I felt hopeful about the future."

None of the participants had ever had a stroke at the time the questionnaire was completed. The researchers then followed the participants over a six-year period to see how their health had changed. During that time, out of the 2,478 people who took the study, 340 had strokes, and 75 of these people died. The researchers then tried to connect those occurrences to the participants' original answers to the questionnaire.

For each "yes" answer to a positive statement there was a 26% decrease in the risk of stroke. Let's take a close look at this study. There were 20 questions or statements, 16 negative ones that dealt with unhappiness, and 4 positive ones that were about being happy and optimistic. If you answered yes to all 4 positive statements there was a 100% chance of not having a stroke. Strokes are the third most common cause of death and they are the leading cause of long-term disability among the elderly.

This study was published on Friday, March 23, 2001, in the Journal of the American Psychosomatic Society. Researchers said that this study shows that "high levels of positive effect" seem to shield older people from having a stroke. Elderly folks who often feel blue tend to have more strokes than those who are not depressed, according to the study.

You have a choice right now to look at things differently. Now you know that having an unhappy outlook may result in hurting you. Is unhappiness worth the price you may have to pay? No, the price is much too high. Take control of your happiness, it is the one thing you have control over. Do you really think you can control all the people and circumstances in your life? No, you will wear yourself out first. Take control of yourself, that is where your power lies.

In this case I am very happy that this study has been done so that you can see the positive effect of "Being Happy," on your health, the quality of your life, and length of your life. If you are the type of person that needs proof, then here you have it - "Proof Positive," it is here for you to see!

Twenty-three years ago I wrote a book called Food for Thought. Dr. Bernie Siegel endorsed it as well as Rev. Norman Vincent Peale, and Ken Blanchard, Ph.D. Dr. Bernie Siegel, who wrote, Love, Medicine and Miracles, has changed the way people think about being responsible for their health and attitude.

In 2004, Dr. Bernie S. Siegel and I had video tapped a two hour interview in his home in Connecticut. It was an important opportunity to learn more life lessons from one of the most compassionate doctors that has ever lived. We talked about his new book, called 365 Prescriptions for the Soul, (Daily Messages of Inspiration, Hope, and Love.) We also talked about attitudes, pain, suffering, health, healing, and happiness. Bernie shared his personal thoughts in this video interview. The interview was aired on PBS, where Bernie and I appeared live in person during the evening and the show is also aired on The Happiness Show on cable TV stations.

It is time to we taught happiness in school for every child in the system. Happiness, or emotional intelligence, as it is also know by, is just as important as learning facts. Do we need to remain stressed out all our lives and find out that the price we are paying is much too high? The need to become happy is one that we must learn to embrace. If it is not enough to know that it affects your health, now you know it is nothing less than a life and death matter. Your thinking, your state of mind, and the way you feel all have a direct effect on your health.

Walk around with happiness, get the feel of it in your stride, and in your heart, and your head. You will experience the very best that life has to offer you. Of course you will encounter negative things along the way, just like anyone else. But you will be taking the high road in life and you will be doing the best you can with what you have. You will feel happiness within yourself and you will spread it naturally and effortlessly to everyone you meet, even the unhappy.

By taking happiness for yourself you will be able to give it to others. How can you give what you do not have? Another important aspect about living a happy life is the fact that you will be spreading happiness in the world. This world needs happiness more than anything. What a wonderful gift your happiness will make. You will make all the difference in the world, and you do it by "Being Happy."

Meet some new friends and get yourself in a happy mood attend a Happiness Club Meeting or start your own club now. Admission is free. Be Happy! Live Longer!


About Lionel Ketchian   Lionel is the past President of LRK Communications Inc in Fairfield, CT since 1979. He is the author of the book, Food for Thought, published in 1989. He was co-host of: "Successful Living," a live, call-in Radio Talk Show from 1986-1993. Lionel taught classes on Happiness, at Sacred Heart University from 1999-2002. Lionel is the founder of the Happiness Clubs, which holds free monthly meetings at over 80 clubs around the world. He started the web site www.HappinessClub.com in 1999 and offers free happiness newsletters by e-mail. Lionel wrote the column called the Be Happy Zone, published by the Fairfield Citizen-News, from 2000 - 2011. He is the co-host of "The Happiness Show," broadcast on TV by Cablevision of Connecticut. Lionel has been married since 1968 and is the father of three wonderful kids and the grandfather to three terrific grand kids.



Access Source And Its Great Content: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=svx5mvcab&v=001s0rRepf3dPamF3KHIasuJFodBbwfTUKUHwfGT3wuoJswmoBKBGO85Au6yaoa7yulltwJiQSNeNTAvGNhDuiNZ3piq7TnXP6ADYx9ZcQrscjlK84L7Pm7pg%3D%3D