Soothing Anger-Management Techniques - Forbes.com

Soothing Anger-Management Techniques - Forbes.com


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Soothing Anger-Management Techniques >

Christopher Steiner, 11.23.09, 7:08 PM ET <
Saturdays at Billy Lowe's beauty salon in Los Angeles' trendy West Hollywood neighborhood can get pretty hairy. Lowe will see up to 10 clients on a Saturday in his personal chair. He never double-books (meaning he sees people from start to finish), so one late client can snarl everything. >

The stress quotient ramped up on a recent Saturday afternoon when one of Lowe's celebrity clients called to say she would be at least an hour late for her appointment. Lowe has styled camera-ready heads from Ellen Degeneres to the cast of Desperate Housewives. He didn't get to that perch without understanding the needs--and stroking the egos--of his clientele. He couldn't make these folks wait because one foul-mouthed starlet couldn't manage her schedule. >

As his anger swelled, Lowe took a deep breath and devised a plan. When the woman arrived, a handful of salon assistants and interns would swoop in, treat her to tea and give her a hand massage. Says Lowe, 38: "After five minutes of that, she was back to her normal self, telling jokes and counting the days until she'd see me again." >

Many on-the-job conflicts don't play out so smoothly. Four out of five people fail at work because of interpersonal problems, not lack of technical skill, says B.J. Gallagher, a workplace consultant in Los Angeles. "Getting along with others, keeping your negative emotions in check, and negotiating conflict are essential in any job, in any organization," he says. It doesn't help that work is more stressful than ever. Longer hours, less pay and morale-sapping layoffs can drive even the most placid Bruce Banners to Hulk out. >

While it's unhealthy to bury your anger, you can't let it boil over at work, either. Here are a few time-tested anger-management techniques, care of those who make a living helping us…all…remain…calm. (For a full list, see our slide show.) >

- The Double Blow <>

- Verbal Jujitsu <
Berated by a co-worker or a frustrated superior? Dr. Debra Condren, founder of Manhattan Business Coaching and author of Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word, a career guide for women, has a solution: "I keep my face neutral, make sure I'm breathing and staying calm, with my feet planted any my body relaxed," she says. When the other person's verbal screed is done, Condren utters flatly: "I hear what you're saying," or "I can see you have strong feelings about this issue." The lack of visible reaction snuffs the emotional wick.>

- Avoid Assumptions <
A co-worker is late and it's looking like you'll have to do that joint presentation alone. His fecklessness is infuriating. Before it engulfs you, says Dr. Simon Rego, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine in New York, pause to consider all the things that could have happened. Perhaps his child is sick or his car broke down. Avoid assumptions--or as Rego calls them, "cognitive distortions"--which can lead to blame and anger. Says Rego: "Once these distortions can be identified, challenged and replaced with more helpful coping thoughts, the feelings of anger should decrease." >

- Know Your Triggers <
Plenty of people get angry, but they don't know why. Look for anger-inducing patterns and jot them down, says Marty Babits, author of The Power of the Middle Ground, A Couple's Guide to Renewing Your Relationship. This takes hearty doses of self-honesty and willingness to accept the truth. If certain people get on your nerves, then, well, they just do. In many cases, your best bet is simply to recognize who they are and avoid them whenever possible. If that sounds cold, take comfort in knowing that you are doing them a favor. >

Read Original Post: http://www.forbes.com/2009/11/23/stay-cool-at-work-entrepreneurs-human-resources-anger_print.html



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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.