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How to Confront an Office Bully
The tragic story of Phoebe Prince's suicide after relentless bullying and mobbing by teenagers at her high school in South Hadley, Massachusetts, is capturing international media attention. Nine students have now been indicted in this case. However, until all the media scrutiny, the bullies suffered seemingly no consequences. Many peers and teachers were aware of what was happening, but only a few reported this behavior to school authorities, including Phoebe's mother. Nothing was done until it was too late.
In a similar situation in 2008, 31-year-old Jodie Zebell from Wisconsin committed suicide after enduring months of workplace bullying from her peers and supervisor. Last week, the Wisconsin legislature listened to her story and others as the Healthy Workplace Bill was introduced.
Gary Namie and Ruth Namie in their book The Bully at Work describe how bullies thrive on secrecy, shame, and the silence of others. The authors' Labor Day 2008 Survey (of which 95% of the 400 respondents had been targets of bullying) revealed that 95% of the target's co-workers of any rank — peers or managers — witnessed the mistreatment at least once. Yet 53% of the employers did nothing to stop the mistreatment when reported. In fact, in 71% of the cases, employers actually retaliated against the person who reported being bullied. The authors provide many reasons for "Witness Paralysis" including a natural human aversion to risk, Groupthink, rationalization, and blaming the victim.
Bullies are hugely expensive for corporations in terms of lost dollars, productivity, employee retention and wellness. The research strongly suggests that the only way to get organizations to take this issue seriously, particularly in competitive environments where bullying behavior is implicitly rewarded, is if it impacts their bottom line. It will be immensely more expensive once the Healthy Workplace Bill — which has now been introduced into 17 states — is actually passed.
Bullying can't survive in workplaces that won't support it. Intervention by management is a powerful weapon to reducing bullying in the workplace. Most targets can't win alone — most bullies will never stop. It's a complex issue, and intervention often carries consequences. But there are situations where it's worth the risk, personally and professionally.
My client George, Regional Manager at a technology company, shared this story (names have been changed):
George and his entire team met with corporate for the annual review. This was George's third review. They were always tough but civil. Dan, the most senior corporate manager, had a reputation for being a bully. When Bob, a problematic local manager, stepped up, Dan began to aggressively tear into Bob in front of his peers and subordinates. The behavior was startling and abusive. George could see that this public humiliation had quickly put the whole team on edge. He had a dilemma. How could he: a) stop the destructive energy in the room, b) avoid becoming the next target, and c) not lose his job?
George called a timeout. Leading Dan out of the room, he told him his approach was inappropriate and destructive to both Bob and the rest of the team. Dan, unhappy about being called on his behavior by a subordinate, fought back. But George held his ground, telling Dan he was embarrassing himself and the corporate management team, and he was hurting the opportunity for a valuable corporate contribution and quite possibly next quarter's results. Dan backed off. The tone of the meeting shifted and became productive. In the following weeks Dan allowed George to take more of an active role in managing Bob. Next quarter's results were great for the team. The next annual reviews were much more positive.
What worked?
- George quickly assessed the impact of the bullying behavior from an organizational perspective. In that moment before he called timeout, he feared that if he handled the situation badly he could lose the respect of his team, even his job. But he told himself, "I may lose my job, and if so I will find something else. This abuse must stop."
- He made a choice to intervene: "I just think there are times when it's important to do what you can live with and that is more important than the risk or consequences. I realized I would not be able to look in the eyes of the people who worked for me if I didn't at least say something, whether or not it changed anything."
- He interrupted immediately. The longer bullying goes on, the harder it is to stop.
- He addressed the bully personally and in private. Bullies hate public humiliation.
- He appealed to the bully's self-interest. It was quickly clear that Bob and the rest of the team's feelings didn't matter to Dan — but when George framed the issue in terms of personal embarrassment and corporate results, Dan was motivated to change.
You do have a choice, even in these times of workplace stress. The next time you're tempted to remain a silent witness, remember that in stepping up to save a co-worker, you might even save a life.
Cheryl Dolan, MA, has over 30 years' experience with over one thousand clients as a speech/language pathologist and executive coach, specializing in leadership presence, communication, creativity and change theory. Her focus is to cultivate clients' inherent strengths to develop powerful communication and innovative thinking skills to enhance personal and professional performance.
How to Confront an Office Bully
The tragic story of Phoebe Prince's suicide after relentless bullying and mobbing by teenagers at her high school in South Hadley, Massachusetts, is capturing international media attention. Nine students have now been indicted in this case. However, until all the media scrutiny, the bullies suffered seemingly no consequences. Many peers and teachers were aware of what was happening, but only a few reported this behavior to school authorities, including Phoebe's mother. Nothing was done until it was too late.
In a similar situation in 2008, 31-year-old Jodie Zebell from Wisconsin committed suicide after enduring months of workplace bullying from her peers and supervisor. Last week, the Wisconsin legislature listened to her story and others as the Healthy Workplace Bill was introduced.
Gary Namie and Ruth Namie in their book The Bully at Work describe how bullies thrive on secrecy, shame, and the silence of others. The authors' Labor Day 2008 Survey (of which 95% of the 400 respondents had been targets of bullying) revealed that 95% of the target's co-workers of any rank — peers or managers — witnessed the mistreatment at least once. Yet 53% of the employers did nothing to stop the mistreatment when reported. In fact, in 71% of the cases, employers actually retaliated against the person who reported being bullied. The authors provide many reasons for "Witness Paralysis" including a natural human aversion to risk, Groupthink, rationalization, and blaming the victim.
Bullies are hugely expensive for corporations in terms of lost dollars, productivity, employee retention and wellness. The research strongly suggests that the only way to get organizations to take this issue seriously, particularly in competitive environments where bullying behavior is implicitly rewarded, is if it impacts their bottom line. It will be immensely more expensive once the Healthy Workplace Bill — which has now been introduced into 17 states — is actually passed.
Bullying can't survive in workplaces that won't support it. Intervention by management is a powerful weapon to reducing bullying in the workplace. Most targets can't win alone — most bullies will never stop. It's a complex issue, and intervention often carries consequences. But there are situations where it's worth the risk, personally and professionally.
My client George, Regional Manager at a technology company, shared this story (names have been changed):
George and his entire team met with corporate for the annual review. This was George's third review. They were always tough but civil. Dan, the most senior corporate manager, had a reputation for being a bully. When Bob, a problematic local manager, stepped up, Dan began to aggressively tear into Bob in front of his peers and subordinates. The behavior was startling and abusive. George could see that this public humiliation had quickly put the whole team on edge. He had a dilemma. How could he: a) stop the destructive energy in the room, b) avoid becoming the next target, and c) not lose his job?
George called a timeout. Leading Dan out of the room, he told him his approach was inappropriate and destructive to both Bob and the rest of the team. Dan, unhappy about being called on his behavior by a subordinate, fought back. But George held his ground, telling Dan he was embarrassing himself and the corporate management team, and he was hurting the opportunity for a valuable corporate contribution and quite possibly next quarter's results. Dan backed off. The tone of the meeting shifted and became productive. In the following weeks Dan allowed George to take more of an active role in managing Bob. Next quarter's results were great for the team. The next annual reviews were much more positive.
What worked?
- George quickly assessed the impact of the bullying behavior from an organizational perspective. In that moment before he called timeout, he feared that if he handled the situation badly he could lose the respect of his team, even his job. But he told himself, "I may lose my job, and if so I will find something else. This abuse must stop."
- He made a choice to intervene: "I just think there are times when it's important to do what you can live with and that is more important than the risk or consequences. I realized I would not be able to look in the eyes of the people who worked for me if I didn't at least say something, whether or not it changed anything."
- He interrupted immediately. The longer bullying goes on, the harder it is to stop.
- He addressed the bully personally and in private. Bullies hate public humiliation.
- He appealed to the bully's self-interest. It was quickly clear that Bob and the rest of the team's feelings didn't matter to Dan — but when George framed the issue in terms of personal embarrassment and corporate results, Dan was motivated to change.
You do have a choice, even in these times of workplace stress. The next time you're tempted to remain a silent witness, remember that in stepping up to save a co-worker, you might even save a life.
Cheryl Dolan, MA, has over 30 years' experience with over one thousand clients as a speech/language pathologist and executive coach, specializing in leadership presence, communication, creativity and change theory. Her focus is to cultivate clients' inherent strengths to develop powerful communication and innovative thinking skills to enhance personal and professional performance.
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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.
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