Monday, May 31, 2010

University World News - GLOBAL: Divorce looms if wife is unhappier

University World News - GLOBAL: Divorce looms if wife is unhappier

University Global News

GLOBAL: Divorce looms if wife is unhappier

30 May 2010
Issue: 126



Look out fellas! If your wife is less happy than you - even during the first year of marriage - separation and divorce are likely, a team of economists has found.

Dr Cahit Guven, an expert on well-being and economics from Deakin University in Melbourne, together with his co-authors Professor Claudia Senik and Dr Holger Stichnot, wanted to find out if the happiness gap between husbands and wives really mattered. And if it did, whether it could it act as a predictor of divorce.

Using data from three countries, Australia, Britain and Germany, the researchers found that the higher the gap in happiness - even during the first year of marriage - the higher the risk of divorce.

Also, in the three countries women were happier than men, across all couples. But men were happier than women during marriage only for those couples whose marriages ended with divorce.

Guven said the research looked at legally married and de facto couples, and ruled out one-off stressors such as infidelity or other life shocks.

"We found that the gap in happiness is typically several times higher for couples who are in de facto relationships than for those who are legally married," he said.

"In Australia for instance an increase in the happiness gap by 1% increases the probability of separation by 0.2% for legally married couples, versus 0.9% for de facto couples after controlling for potential factors of divorce.

"Compared with Germany this is pretty good; their probability was 0.5% for de facto couples and 0.16% for those who were legally married.

"Interestingly, the happiness gap decreases after the divorce for the divorced couples. However, the happiness gap between the divorced spouses after the divorce is still higher than those couples who stay married.

"This shows that they have made a bad choice at the beginning and the happiness gap stays at some level and does not disappear even though they are not together anymore," Guven said.

The divorce probability was correlated with levels of income and the distribution of the housework load, said Guven.

"The risk of divorce is positively related to the wife's income but negatively relates to the husband's individual income," he said.

"Other factors that positively relate to the risk of divorce include if the couple have divorced parents or if the husband is self-employed."

In contrast, said Guven, the likelihood of divorce was reduced if the wife was retired, a housewife or full-time student, the housework was shared or there was a common religion or background.

People marrying partners who were less similar to themselves could be one reason why a happiness gap occurred, and thus divorce risks could be seen early into a marriage.

"Previous studies have shown that couples who marry with similar levels of schooling, age, country of origin, ethnicity, religion and social background have longer marriages," he said.

"In Australia for instance, 53% of women of the highest happiness tier were married to men in the same tier. In the UK 61% of women in the highest tier are married to men in the same tier and this number is 70% in Germany.

"Evidence is also emerging to suggest that people have a happiness baseline which may flow according to life events, but it rarely stays below a certain level. Our research tends to support this view, and also shows that unlike other benefits in a marriage, happiness isn't able to be redistributed between the husband and the wife for those couples whose relationship ended with divorce."

Guven said the quality of the match between the spouses was not the sole reason for the gaps in happiness.

"It would appear that time plays a role, so when the happiness gap becomes unfavourable to the wife, the risk of divorce increases. If the wife is unhappy the risk of divorce the following year increases 0.4% in Australia, 0.5% in Germany and 0.3% in the UK. In de facto couples the risk is 10 times higher."

Guven said unhappy women also tended to initiate divorce. "Interestingly, three Australian women in five (60%) said they were responsible for the decision to separate, whereas when the husbands were asked the same question only 36% attributed the decision to separate to their wife."

"Importantly, Australian women who initiated the divorce were actually less happy than their husbands which is consistent with the idea that divorces are initiated by women not only because they are unhappy, but because they are unhappier than their husbands."

Guven said policy makers should take account of the research. "Individual incomes and employment have been shown to relate to the happiness gap; policies which affect the division of labour inside the household should keep this in mind."

You Can't Be Happier than Your Wife:, Happiness Gaps and Divorce, by Cahit Guven, Claudia Senik, Holger Stichnoth, IZA Discussion Paper No. 4599, November 2009.
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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.

Bruce Williamson, "It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood", 1987

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 Bruce Williamson, "It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood", 1987

 

Walk in the rain, jump in mud puddles, collect rocks, rainbows and roses, smell flowers, blow bubbles, stop along the way, build sandcastles, say hello to everyone, go barefoot, go on adventures, act silly, fly kites, have a merry heart, talk with animals, sing in the shower, read childrens' books, take bubble baths, get new sneakers, hold hands and hug and kiss, dance, laugh and cry for the health of it, wonder and wander around, feel happy and precious and innocent, feel scared, feel sad, feel mad, give up worry and guilt and shame, say yes, say no, say the magic words, ask lots of questions, ride bicycles, draw and paint, see things differently, fall down and get up again, look at the sky, watch the sun rise and sun set, watch clouds and name their shapes, watch the moon and stars come out, trust the universe, stay up late, climb trees, daydream, do nothing and do it very well, learn new stuff, be excited about everything, be a clown, enjoy having a body, listen to music, find out how things work, make up new rules, tell stories, save the world, make friends with the other kids on the block, and do anything else that brings more happiness, celebration, health, love, joy, creativity, pleasure, abundance, grace, self-esteem, courage, balance, spontaneity, passion, beauty, peace, relaxation, communication and life energy to...all living beings on this planet.

- Bruce Williamson, "It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood", 1987

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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.

The power of a positive thinker | Philadelphia Inquirer | 05/30/2010

The power of a positive thinker Philadelphia Inquirer 05/30/2010


Philly.com













Defining Lives

The power of a positive thinker


His goal is to advance the well-being of the world - one sector at a time.





No one could accuse Marty Seligman of thinking small.


The University of Pennsylvania psychology professor earned the respect of his peers studying the equivalent of depression in dogs, but it is his more recent fascination with the flip side of sadness - how to get life right - that has made this serious man a pop-psych power hitter. At 67, he is using his academic reputation and his formidable sales skills to reform, well, just about everything. His premise: that we've spent too much time trying to fix what's wrong and not nearly enough figuring out how to make more things right.


Let's start with the Army, an unlikely target for the branch of inquiry that Seligman fathered: positive psychology. Instead of mental illness, positive psychology focuses on what makes some of us stronger, happier, and more satisfied than the norm. It involves learning to think differently about both good and bad events and appreciating that there is more than one path to an emotionally satisfying life.


Such touchy-feely stuff would seem out of place among people who wear heavy boots and fatigues.


But there was Seligman at Penn last summer, explaining to a group of sergeants the audaciously ambitious Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program that their generals had just decided to undertake. Ultimately, 1.1 million soldiers will receive training based on positive psychology. The Army hopes it will make them more resilient - less prone to suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder.


Seligman is short and a little paunchy, but not soft. Built more like a butcher than a professor, he paced before the impressively fit soldiers with a rough energy that conveyed both physical vitality and mental restlessness. The product of an unhappy stint in an Albany, N.Y., military school, he easily commanded the room's attention. The sergeants applauded loudly when he said they would teach their fellow soldiers better coping skills.


He talked about blessings, signature strengths, and support for spouses' successes, but his manner was disarmingly rational, backed by charts and studies. His deep, authoritative voice - possibly his best physical attribute - lent his words just the right gravity. He confidently walked the line between grand and grandiose as he pronounced: "We're after creating an indomitable Army."


Changing military culture would be a lifetime's work for most psychologists, but it's just part of what Seligman is up to. He's expanding the Positive brand to education, health, and neuroscience, and still hopes to take it to corporations. Then there's plain old positive psychology, for which he has the grandest goal of all.


He talked about that in Philadelphia last year at the first World Congress on Positive Psychology. It drew 1,500. While most countries measure their wealth in dollars, some positive psychologists advocate measuring well-being, a broad concept that goes well beyond the transitory pleasures so many associate with happiness. People at the top of the well-being scale are said to be flourishing.


Only 10 percent to 18 percent of the world's population is flourishing, Seligman said. Not enough. His goal is to make the world happier.


"I believe it is within our capacity that by the year 2051 that 51 percent of the human population will be flourishing," he said. "That is my charge. That is our aim."


Psychology rock star


James Coyne, a fellow Penn psychologist, recalled meeting Seligman in California in the late 1970s. "You can be a psychologist like a rock star," he contended Seligman had told him, "and have fame and money, and that's what I intend to do."


Decades later, Seligman, who said he had never even thought such a thing and hadn't met Coyne until 1996, is indeed a rock star in his world. A former president of the American Psychological Association, he has won awards as a serious scientist, but also gets shelf space in chain book stores. He has given speeches around the world and shared the stage in Australia with the Dalai Lama.


He has written or cowritten 25 books - textbooks, and more accessible works like Learned Optimism and What You Can Change and What You Can't. His Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment has been translated into 17 languages.


While many academics settle for a cluttered cubbyhole of an office, his Positive Psychology Center merits a floor in a modern building on the fringes of the Penn campus. Seligman, his second wife, Mandy, and the youngest three of their five children live in a rambling, three-story mansion once occupied by Eugene Ormandy. A large portrait of Seligman hangs over the mantel, a decorating choice some critics see as a sign of his sizable ego. But, overall, the house is furnished for comfort, not ostentation, and much of it is devoted to home-schooling the kids so they and Mandy can accompany Seligman on his travels.


Not a bad vantage point for considering the good life.


Acolytes gush about his brilliance. Friends and former students call him "inspiring" and "visionary." Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a Yale University psychology professor, who studied at Penn with Seligman, said of his communication skills: "He is to psychology what Barack Obama is to political speeches."


Others, though, deride positive psychology as "happiology" and worry that some adherents - especially life coaches - are taking it too far and too fast for the science. Doubters worry that negative feelings and thoughts, which enrich life and stimulate change, will become overly stigmatized.


"We didn't get into 9/11 because of too much pessimism," said Barbara Held, a Bowdoin psychology professor, who wrote Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching: A 5-Step Guide to Creative Complaining. "We didn't have the Great Recession because of too much pessimism. These catastrophes didn't happen because too many people were thinking about what could go wrong."


Peculiar prophet


Seligman is an odd candidate for prophet of positivity.


He is not temperamentally sunny. He is a serious, relentless thinker not given to small talk. "He never seems to get intellectually tired," said Christopher Peterson, a University of Michigan psychologist, who is an expert on character and has worked closely with Seligman.


Seligman is not a natural optimist, by which he means someone who tends to take credit for his successes, but not defeats, and sees setbacks as limited and temporary. (He has a maddening penchant for redefining words.)


Nor is he a life-of-the-party type. He has a taste for good wine and food, but devotes his spare time to his family, baseball, his garden, and hours and hours of online bridge.


He is not always a great people person, though friends say Mandy, whom he married in 1988; success; and his work on positive psychology have mellowed him. Detractors, who said they were too frightened by his power to speak publicly, said he could be narcissistic, controlling, and hard on the feelings of others, particularly those who didn't meet his standards.


What Seligman is is an obsessively focused workaholic and exceptional marketer. He keeps it simple, only lightly peppering his speeches with the science that he says separates him from the long line of positive thinkers who preceded him.


"He manages to convey the sense that what he's about to tell you really matters, so, damn it, you should pay attention . . .," said Barry Schwartz, a Swarthmore College psychologist and longtime friend. "He is a commanding presence."


Plus, Seligman has "learned how to talk to the public with labels and catchphrases that are easily comprehended and remembered."


He calls people "sunspots" and "black holes." At a meeting at Penn on positive health, he talked repeatedly about "Pachelbels," one great idea that can survive centuries - like one-hit wonder Johann Pachelbel's Canon, a song still popular more than 300 years after it was composed. "If you have a Pachelbel in mind, then I just want to encourage you to do it," he told fellow academics to nary a rolled eye.


His books and website offer easy tests for analyzing thinking styles and mental health skills.


This ability to connect has made him a grant-getting phenom. The Army, he said, is giving Penn $25 million to $30 million for its soldier training. He persuaded Australia to pay a million dollars for teaching teachers about positive education, which research shows can reduce depression and improve learning. (The Australian press gave Seligman a hard time for bringing an entourage bigger than the prime minister's.) The Robert Wood Johnson and John Templeton Foundations have been big funders.


"It seems impossible, but sometimes it looks to me as if [funders] give him more than he asks for," said Ray Fowler, a former APA president and Seligman's mentor.


Many professors study one thing, often one very small thing, their whole professional lives. Seligman - a serial intellectual entrepreneur - has jumped from one big idea to another. Even before positive psychology, he had three big ideas, any one of which would have cemented his scientific reputation, said Steven Hollon, a psychologist at Vanderbilt University. There was preparedness, the concept that we are born prewired to fear certain things - such as, say, spiders but not electrical outlets. Next was the safety signal, the idea that certain people or things signify safety for others. And, finally, the big one: learned helplessness, the idea that animals and people can learn to be helpless or depressed after encountering uncontrollable negative events. After that came all the positives.


Positive psychology was not Seligman's idea. A lot of people were studying aspects of it long before he coined the umbrella term and created a new subfield. Fellow psychologists use words like popularized and legitimized to describe his role.


Aaron Beck is a Philadelphia psychiatrist much respected for creating cognitive therapy, an approach to mental illness treatment that involves changing thinking and has much in common with Seligman's ideas about optimism. Beck met Seligman when Seligman was a doctoral candidate and was struck by "his brilliance."


"Positive psychology was in the air, and Marty is terrific at getting ideas that have not been fully developed, grabbing hold of them, and crystallizing them," he said. He can "grab an idea that's ready to be born and deliver it."


Schwartz said part of Seligman's appeal was his intellectual courage - his willingness to risk being wrong. It's too early to tell how much of his scientific approach to positive thinking will stick, but, Schwartz said, it is "potentially a complete game changer."


Seligman's zeal for the subject also makes him a great salesman. Teaching about depression, he said, was a downer. This is fun. But it's more than that. It's a mission. A legacy.


A tough adolescence


Marty Seligman believes that many therapists have made a huge error: People are not driven by the past, he says, but pulled by the future.


Still, it's clear that his past influenced both his work and his ambition.


Seligman had a tough adolescence. His father, a smart man who had taken a "secure civil service" job, suffered a massive stroke that permanently disabled him at 49, an event that fueled his 13-year-old son's interest in helplessness. Seligman, whose parents wanted him to be a "world beater," was in his first year at Albany Academy, a private military school populated mostly by far-wealthier boys. As he writes in Learned Optimism, Seligman felt "rejected and alone." He was keenly aware of class differences and says now he felt "déclassé."


Paul Monaco, a classmate and close friend, said Seligman had never lost his outsider mentality. "I think he still might inwardly struggle with being accepted," said Monaco, a filmmaker and film professor at Montana State University.


Monaco also came from a family of modest means, and his father died of a heart attack shortly before Seligman's had his stroke. They bonded over their loss, Monaco said, but they've never talked about it.


"He's still a man," Monaco said. "That's territory we've never explored and probably never will."


Eighteen years ago, Seligman told an Inquirer interviewer that his father's illness had left him with a "whole frozen sea" over his emotions. Now, he sees the ordeal as a "real important shadow" on his life.


Seligman found surer footing at Princeton University, where his brain power proved more important than his pedigree. He was a philosophy major and, in senior year, faced a difficult decision: whether to go to graduate school in philosophy or psychology, or become a professional bridge player.


Bridge was tempting, but Seligman, who was captain of the Princeton bridge team, said the cards did not "fly off his hands" as they did for the best players. Philosophy, a professor told him, was good training - for something else. He knew he could excel at psychology. "I'm a natural at it, and it's not a game. It's about something that might really help people."


Seligman still loves bridge. He reached the rank of Diamond Life Master with the American Contract Bridge League last year, a distinction that puts him in the top 2 percent of players. At bridge, Schwartz said, Seligman "wants to do the brilliant thing" that will impress others. "The problem is he's not as good a bridge player as he is a psychologist, so most of the time, when he does these things, they don't work."


Seligman married his first wife, Kerry Mueller, a Bryn Mawr College grad, in 1964, the day before he graduated from Princeton. They divorced in 1978, after having two children. His ex, now a Unitarian Universalist minister, declined to talk about Seligman, saying it would be "best for my character" if she didn't. He doesn't have much to say about their marriage either.


Over the next decade, Seligman acknowledged, he was a bit of a womanizer. "I was looking for a wife," he explained. He found one in his psychology graduate program - before, he said, such a relationship was considered taboo.


Seventeen years younger, Mandy McCarthy had come to Penn from London specifically to study with Seligman. His approach to depression, which involved learning to think differently about bad events, appealed to her.


"I saw a lot of doom and gloom and pessimism at home," she said as she sipped coffee in the couple's no-frills kitchen. "I saw a lot of people that were filled with 'I can'ts.' . . . When I saw learned helplessness, it just struck a chord with me."


At 50, Mandy Seligman is very thin and blond, in a mussed, comfortable-with-herself kind of way. She's obviously proud of her husband's success, his charisma, but talked most animatedly about his flexibility. "He's very adaptable," she said. "He can adapt to new situations whether they're emotional or physical." If he's having trouble getting through to one of the kids, "he's very good at just stepping back and trying it a different way."


Seligman, who is a more guarded interview subject, said he had married Mandy because she was easy to be with and "she said yes."


He imagined a jet-set life of travel, fine dining, and opera. Instead, Mandy, who studied child development, became a stay-at-home mom who taught the kids - now ages 6 to 21 - wherever their father was. Their oldest daughter had flown 100 times by her first birthday.


Mandy Seligman said their partnership allowed each to do what he or she enjoyed. He works, plays bridge, and gardens. She tends to the children and takes pictures of his flowers and the places they visit, photos that adorn their house.


"A good marriage is one in which you both support each other, but you become a better version of yourself," she said, "and I think the truth is, we both become better people by being married to each other."


Helplessness to optimism


Seligman began his academic career as a pessimist studying dogs in a lab. After enduring shocks they could not escape, some dogs stopped trying. They had learned that their actions were useless, he posited. They behaved much as depressed humans do. Learned helplessness became an animal model for depression and is considered a seminal insight in the field.


Later on, though, Seligman grew more intrigued by the dogs who did not become helpless, no matter what was done to them. What was it about those dogs and their human equivalent that protected them from life's travails?


Asked about his mistakes, Seligman said he now questioned learned helplessness because of the work of Steven Maier, who studied the dogs with him at Penn and, at the University of Colorado, investigates how brain chemistry affects behavior.


Maier said he and Seligman had debated whether the key factor for the dogs was learning helplessness or its opposite: mastery. Maier's recent work with rats shows that the key reason some animals were apathetic was that they had never learned they could have control.


Seligman said Maier's theory may be true for rats, although the helpless ones remain a good model for human depression, because they have the same symptoms. Learned-helplessness studies with people still hold up: Unlike the rats, the people had indeed learned that events were uncontrollable. "The default response to adversity [in humans] is not helplessness," Seligman said.


So, it's not much of a mistake really. Plus, mastery would seem a first cousin to learned optimism, the concept that emerged when Seligman tried to explain why some dogs and people overcome adversity.


Optimists, he said, generally lead healthier, more successful lives than pessimists - those who see problems as "permanent and pervasive" and their own fault. People can be taught to see things more positively. He's focusing now on a more nuanced view of the good life that urges people to evaluate their "well-being," a combination of positive emotions (what most of us think of as happiness and good feelings), accomplishments, good relationships, and a sense of meaning and purpose.


Much of positive psychology is just figuring out what differentiates people who are unusually happy, content, or mentally healthy. But the next logical step is to move people higher on the positive continuum. Seligman believes we can improve our lives by identifying and using our best qualities, arguing with our inner naysayers, and learning to see setbacks as temporary.


Two simple interventions have proved to increase happiness and decrease depression for six months. One is to write down three good things that happened to you each day for a week and explain why. Another is to use one of your top five signature strengths - you can identify these at http://www.authentichappiness.org/ - in a new way each day for a week.


Seligman gives a nod to the value of pessimists; you want your pilot and your chief financial officer to think about what could go wrong. Negative emotions are important. "They have evolved," he said, "for good reasons: fear to signal danger, anger to signal trespass, sadness to signal loss." Two of his heroes - Lincoln and Churchill - were famous depressives.


But some critics see pessimism more positively.


In her book The Positive Power of Negative Thinking, Julie Norem, a Wellesley College psychologist, argues that defensive pessimists, people who think through all the bad things that could happen and what they might do about them, do just fine. In fact, they become more anxious when they try to think positively.


Barbara Ehrenreich, a cell-biologist-turned-social-critic, skewers Seligman in her latest book, Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America, for insisting on conducting an interview with her among the Monets at the Philadelphia Museum of Art and describing happiness in a too-simple equation.


(Seligman was no more impressed with her science than she was with his. "A 1968 Ph.D. in biology," he said, "is not much help with modern statistical analyses.")


Like Held, who disapproves of the "tyranny" of positive attitude, Ehrenreich sees the positivity movement as constricting.


"Positive thinking did not abolish the need for constant vigilance; it only turned that vigilance inward," she wrote. "Instead of worrying that one's roof might collapse or one's job be terminated, positive thinking encourages us to worry about the negative expectations themselves. . . . It ends up imposing a mental discipline as exacting as that of the Calvinism it replaced."


Held said one size does not fit all. "I'm a pretty happy person," she said. "I have a pretty good life. . . . I'm a high-anxiety person, and I'm a defensive pessimist. These things are not incompatible."


In health, the emphasis on positive thinking can be particularly distressing. The widespread belief that emotions determine the course of illness can leave people feeling responsible not only for their sickness but also for its outcome. While the evidence for the impact of attitude is stronger for some diseases, particularly those where behavior makes a difference, Penn's Coyne said his research on head and neck cancer patients had found no connection between positive thinking and death.


"There's no evidence," he said, "that people who go to support groups or express their emotions in a particular way live any longer than people who don't."


Mission: Resilience


Seligman once thought positive psychology might find a home in the corporate world, but the emphasis on the bottom line proved too powerful. Then he thought education might embrace his proposals, but "tremendous vested interests" and low budgets stood in the way.


"I think it's going to turn out to be the military," he said. "Their mission is actually creating resilient human beings."


Gen. Rhonda Cornum, who runs the new program, is the embodiment of what some experts call post-traumatic growth. Shot down and captured during the Persian Gulf War, she thinks the experience made her a better wife, mother, and leader. The compact, sinewy woman said Seligman had only taught her a new vocabulary for what she already did, but she knew other soldiers needed what he was offering.


"I was pretty immediately convinced," she said.


The Army's new soldiers, she said, needed to be taught better coping skills before they encountered something traumatic. Soldiers are seeing combat more often than in the past. Modern kids are growing up without experiencing much discomfort, and they have very little experience with death. That leaves them ill-prepared for pain. "Their idea of trauma," Cornum said, "is when they lose their remote."


The new program will teach soldiers the same skills students in positive-education programs have learned, focusing on four areas: emotional, social, family, and spiritual. For example, they'll learn how to avoid catastrophizing, or letting their imaginations race to worst-case scenarios. They'll learn how to play to their strengths and develop closer relationships.


One approach Seligman likes is "active, constructive responding," a type of conversation that lets people relive good events by talking about them in detail. When your wife gets a promotion, don't just say, "That's great." Ask her exactly how it happened.


Before Comprehensive Soldier Fitness was announced last year, Seligman's relationship with the military earned him unwanted attention and criticism from peers. Author Jane Mayer revealed in her 2008 book, The Dark Side, that Seligman had lectured in California in 2002 at the Navy's SERE school (the national Survival, Evasion, Resistance, Escape program). One of the organizers, she said, was Kirk Hubbard, the CIA's director of Behavioral Sciences Research. Seligman has said the audience included two psychologists Mayer linked to harsh post-9/11 interrogations. Mayer said one of them had used the principles of learned helplessness to question military detainees.


Seligman still bristles at the mention of the SERE meeting, and he e-mails his standard response. He said that he had talked about his work in the context of Americans resisting torture and interrogation, and that he strongly disapproved of torture.


Mandy Seligman said the incident was "hurtful" to her husband. "Marty . . . believes in America. He wants to help the troops. He was so proud of helping the troops. To have that turned into something else was really painful."


Seligman said he would do the speech again. "If my nation calls again," he said, "I will again respond positively."


The boy who didn't fit in at military school now finds that he likes drill sergeants better than many fellow professors. He said he was doing the resilience project pro bono, out of patriotism and because it would make his parents proud.


"Part of it is sheer admiration of what [soldiers] do," he said. "They're the people who defend us and make democracy possible, and they do it at huge personal sacrifice."


The soldier fitness program is a massive test of positive psychology principles. But Seligman doesn't worry about whether the program will fail. "I regard all this as a hypothesis to be tested," he said.


"Reaching beyond where you are is really important. I don't mind being wrong, and I don't mind changing my mind. It is a great adventure. It is nice finally to have people who run things take these ideas seriously."


Success, though, would be a chance to make the kind of big difference that matters to him. "This is the Salk vaccine of psychology, if it works," he said. "This is the great event of my career."


A tricky question


What makes Marty Seligman happy?


This is not an easy question. Seligman's concept of happiness is not simple, maybe because he's still not what most people would call happy, and that's OK with him.


Consider his response to a question about his garden. Might it be a place where he practices the precepts of positive psychology, savoring beauty and nature's renewal?


"I'm out there weeding and cursing and getting ripped up by thorns," he said. He does like showing off his flowers, but doesn't think that justifies all the work. Which brought him to another idea. People think we work for the reward that comes at the end or that maybe we like working.


But "there is no state additional to the working, which is liking," he said. That took him to his dogs: What dogs do - chasing squirrels - is what they are. And to Aristotle. "Aristotle tried to talk about grace in a dance, that grace doesn't come at the end of the dance," he said. "It is part and parcel of a dance well danced."


He gives Mandy the credit for their happy family. "I don't think I've ever mattered much as a father," he said. He wasn't close to his father, "nor do I think my children are all that close to me, any of them." He said he was an "adequate" father and good provider. He said this without regret, as if intrigued by his own life and at peace with his strengths, shortcomings, and idiosyncrasies.


He works at positivity. He does the three-good-things exercise daily, uses his signature strengths, and puts a lot of effort into active-constructive responding.


Asked when she has seen him happy, Mandy described a birthday dinner at the Four Seasons in August with the whole family. Seligman asked everyone to answer some questions on a 0-to-5 scale. How happy was yesterday? How meaningful? How pleasant? And so on. All the answers were 5s. "I don't think that was just to make Daddy happy," Mandy said. "I think the kids are really happy."


Her husband told her it was one of the best presents he'd had.


She thinks he's happy when he's working, especially when the work is going well.


But Seligman, the language quibbler, said he was rarely happy, as in joyful. It happened recently when one of his sons, a high school junior, pinned an opponent in wrestling. His happiest moment was the end of Game 6 of the 1980 World Series, when the Phillies won the championship. "That was the most joyous moment of my life, and I was very surprised by how I felt about it."


Seligman puts himself in the bottom 30 percent for positive emotions. "A life can be perfectly good and perfectly satisfactory with no positive feeling," he said.


That brings us to well-being, the subject of his next book and what matters to him now. Good feelings are part of it, but so are domains where Seligman thinks he excels. "My life is largely run around meaning and purpose now," he said.


And he is optimistic that his ideas can change the world. "That," he said, "is the point of it, as far as I'm concerned."



Access Content Source: http://www.philly.com/inquirer/front_page/20100530_The_power_of_a_positive_thinker.html#axzz0pVX5QjHk


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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.

Friday, May 28, 2010

How to Prevent Hiring Disasters - Best Practices - Harvard Business Review

How to Prevent Hiring Disasters - Best Practices - Harvard Business Review

Harvard Business Review

Best Practices

How to Prevent Hiring Disasters

What the Experts Say
Claudio Fernández-Aráoz, a senior adviser at Egon Zehnder International and the author of Great People Decisions and "The Definitive Guide to Recruiting in Good Times and Bad," argues that hiring decisions are pressure-filled for a reason. "It is crucial to get hiring right not only for the hiring entity, but also, and very importantly, for the person being hired," he says. A new hire isn't to blame for a bad hiring decision, but will shoulder much of the burden when a role doesn't fit.

A carefully crafted hiring process can help avoid most mishaps. Adele Lynn, founder and owner of The Adele Lynn Leadership Group and author of The EQ Interview, urges that companies regard hiring as more of a science than an art, or worse a leap of faith.

Prevention is the best medicine
You can greatly reduce your chances of getting hiring decisions wrong by following a clear and consistent approach that includes knowing the traits valued across the organization (such as humility or an entrepreneurial spirit); conducting fair, structured interviews that include multiple people from the organization; and agreeing on a standard ranking system to evaluate candidates.

Getting the right person for the job requires time and discipline. Be careful of the time trap, warns Lynn. "Often, companies are desperate to fill a position, so the interview process includes some generic questions and some information about the position," she says. Needing to fill the role yesterday is not an excuse for shortchanging the process.

Know the specific competencies you're looking for
Fernández-Aráoz says we are hardwired to hire people who are like us or make us comfortable — but that does not always yield the best candidate. In fact, you need to be aware of what he calls the "typical unconscious psychological traps" that lead one to make inferior people decisions (e.g. overrating capability or making snap judgments). Outline the specific competencies — above and beyond the traits you look for in all new hires — that the ideal candidate needs. What skills are required? How much does experience matter? What behaviors does he need to exhibit in the role? For example, this is a role requiring 7 years of computer programming experience but also an ability to work collaboratively with team members on high-pressure projects.

Screening for the right soft skills is critical. Seasoned hiring managers will tell you that it's much harder to coach behavioral issues than it is to teach someone the technical aspects of the job. "And people who fail in a new job mostly do so because of their inability to develop proper relationships not only with their boss but also with their peers and subordinates," says Fernández-Aráoz. To assess relational skills and emotional intelligence, "the interview should include behavior-based questions and motive and reflection questions," says Lynn. For example, "Tell me about a time you had a conflict with a co-worker and explain how you resolved it." The aim is to uncover the candidate's true colors. Does he blame others for his mistakes? Does he rationalize his behavior? Or does he accept responsibility? "You get a much more thorough understanding of how a person will behave in the future," says Lynn.

On-board with care
When a new hire seems to be struggling, on-boarding can also be to blame. "Most companies let their new hires sink or swim, and as a result many sink. Some form of integration support reduces the chances of failure, accelerates learning, and increases the contribution of any new hire," says Fernández-Aráoz. The right onboarding approach can help you get immediate value from your new hire and position her for success. But perhaps the most important element is expectation-setting. "Especially with knowledge workers and younger workers, there is a strong need to communicate both expectations of performance and behavior," explains Lynn.

When it happens anyway...
Sometimes even when you follow all the rules, you may still end up with the wrong person in the job. When you suspect a poor fit, proceed carefully. Start by asking others to corroborate your opinion. Don't start a witch hunt, but discreetly ask if they see the situation in the same way. Then, once you've identified where the mismatch is, ask yourself if the problem is coachable "People are ineffective for many reasons and some of those reasons are definitely correctable," says Lynn.

"Unless it's an egregious breach of values, generally coaching and reiterating behaviors and performance expectations should be the first step." Provide feedback to the new hire early on and lay out a plan for getting her up to speed in the problem areas. If the issues persist, consider finding a more appropriate role for her in your organization.

In the worst cases, termination may be your only option, particularly if you find that the problem is not coachable, if you are unwilling to further invest in coaching, or if the error or behavior is intolerable. It should be your last resort, however. "Most likely as the hiring manager you have a large share of responsibility for the mistake, and thus should never fire a person without thoughtful consideration," says Fernández-Aráoz. If you have to let someone go, take a hard look at the hiring process you used and figure out how to change it next time around.

Principles to Remember

Do:

  • Identify the competencies an ideal candidate needs
  • Ask interview questions that uncover the drivers behind the candidate's past and future behavior
  • Give the new hire early feedback about her performance

Don't:

  • Prioritize technical skills over relational ones
  • Assume you've made a bad hire without checking your perception with others
  • Immediately move to termination, without first considering coaching or transferring


Case Study #1: The value of sleeping on it
Roxanne Bond, the Executive Director of HR at USAA Real Estate Company, works closely with her hiring managers each time there is an open position. Roxanne's group developed and refined a sophisticated and efficient hiring process that starts with building a list of the competencies needed for each position. The company has a great track record with little turnover and a strong, inclusive company culture. However, USAA Real Estate Company is like all fast-paced and busy companies and hiring managers often feel urgency when they have to fill a position. Last year, a hiring manager needed to fill a heavy financial role and wanted someone with the technical skills and experience to begin right away. The job came down to two candidates: Sarah and Amanda*. Both had accounting backgrounds but Sarah had more experience doing the tasks that the role required. The hiring manager was leaning toward her even though a few red flags came up in her interview. In response to questions about past mistakes, Sarah indicated that she was overly sensitive to criticism. In response to the same questions, Amanda showed she took responsibility for her actions and had a positive attitude.

Roxanne strongly urged the hiring manager to consider Sarah's responses and whether her leg up in experience was worth the risk. She gave her the night to think about it and when they met the next day, they decided to go with Amanda after all. The hiring manager thought that she could coach Sarah's behavioral issues but realized that doing so would take an enormous amount of time — time that would be better spent helping Amanda get up to speed on job tasks. Roxanne is proud of the careful process that USAA Real Estate Company takes when it comes to hiring: "We haven't had a bad decision in years and it goes back to the preventative approach we take."

*names have been changed

Case Study #2: A rookie mistake turns into a valuable lesson
A few years back, Jennifer DeLury Ciplet was appointed as the Executive Director of NISGUA (Network in Solidarity with the People of Guatemala). The organization, which advocates for human rights in Guatemala through speakers' tours, legislative work, and publications, was on the cusp of a transformation. NISGUA's supporters had traditionally been older and white and had gotten involved in the organization's work through other faith-based groups. The board wanted Jenn to help build new alliances with new constituencies — younger, immigrant populations. It was a classic customer-diversification issue. Jenn took the task seriously and, when she needed to fill a new programs position, intentionally looked for someone from the new population they were trying to reach. While she didn't formally define the required capabilities, she had a strong sense of the type of person they needed. She was thrilled when she found someone who seemed to embody the organization's new direction, and had what Jenn thought were all of the right technical skills.

Once he started however, Jenn realized that, while the new hire represented the future of the organization, NISGUA was not there yet. She needed someone who could bridge the gap; to still spend time on the phone with traditional supporters while also attending events to connect with a younger audience. This required deep cross-cultural skills that the new hire did not have. A month into his tenure, Jenn realized she'd made a mistake — the new hire was more of an activist than a relationship-manager. Fortunately, NISGUA has a 90-day probationary period. Jenn did a 360 review to get input from everyone he was working with found she wasn't the only one concerned about fit. She shared the feedback with him, explained the mistake she had made, and said that he wouldn't be asked to stay.

When looking for his replacement, Jenn had a far better understanding of the job and formally defined the required capabilities. "I was more clued in to what the job really required," she said. She advertised explicitly for cross-cultural competencies and asked scenario questions in the interview that demonstrated those skills. The next person she hired was ideal — she stayed with the organization for two years (only leaving when her husband's job was relocated) and helped guide the organization through its transformation.

Access Content Source: http://blogs.hbr.org/hmu/2010/05/how-to-prevent-hiring-disaster.html?cm_mmc=npv-_-DAILY_ALERT-_-AWEBER-_-DATE

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Lead with Optimism - Anthony Tjan - Harvard Business Review

Lead with Optimism - Anthony Tjan - Harvard Business Review

Harvard Business Review

Anthony Tjan

Lead with Optimism

I have been fortunate to have some incredible mentors, and very lucky that one of them was the advertising genius, Jay Chiat (founder of Chiat Day). Jay died 70 years too young in April, 2002. The day after Jay passed, I remember seeing a full-page tribute by Apple in the New York Times: a picture of a smiling Jay with the slogan, "Think Different."

Jay was undoubtedly a different type of thinker. When Converse had secured the official sponsorship for the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles, Jay painted the town, literally, with giant Nike (his client) murals on the sides of buildings, pioneering this new large form factor for advertising. In the process, everyone thought Nike, rather than Converse, was the official sponsor.

Jay imparted two lessons to me that I endeavor to live by today:

1. Embrace constraints as a source of creativity. The very definition of entrepreneurship is doing the most with limited resources. Great entrepreneurs rarely complain about what they don't have, but instead focus on what they do have and what they can do with it. Under pressure or seeming defeat, a leader should make a call to action — rather than pouting, or, even worse, indifference.

2. Focus on the positive before the negative. One of the successful entrepreneurs who was backed by Jay once said to me: the great thing about this guy is that he always sees the good in an idea before the bad. As a venture capitalist and long-time consultant, I know how easy it is to focus on problems before one even fully appreciates the idea. Mavericks and entrepreneurs are positive before they are negative.

It is an oversimplification to say that both of these are the traits of a romantic idealist. Jay, like other successful creative forces, was as much a critic as an optimist. The subtle and key difference is the sequence of thoughts. You have to turn on the optimist before you turn on the pessimist.

Try this the next time someone pitches you an idea: Pause on the negative criticism and the "I know another company that...fill in the blank, e.g. 'already does this'." Before your mind leaps to all the reasons it might fail, focus on all the reasons this idea might — just might — be a really, really big idea. "Out-of-the-box" thinkers, mavericks, and creative entrepreneurs are externally super-optimists and internally super-critics. The lesson for us all: lead with optimism.


Access Content Source: http://blogs.hbr.org/tjan/2010/05/lead-with-optimism.html?cm_mmc=npv-_-DAILY_ALERT-_-AWEBER-_-DATE

Anthony Tjan is CEO, Managing Partner and Founder of the venture capital firm Cue Ball. An entrepreneur, investor, and senior advisor, Tjan has become a recognized business builder.

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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Swati Desai, Ph.D., LCSW: The Importance of Being Unhappy

Swati Desai, Ph.D., LCSW: The Importance of Being Unhappy


Swati Desai, Ph.D., LCSW

Posted: May 27, 2010 08:00 AM

The Importance of Being Unhappy

Lately, there is an explosion of research and writing on "how to be happy." Spiritualists such as the Dalai Lama, psychologists and academicians such as Martin Seligman, Jonathan Haidt, Sonja Lyubomirsky, the list goes on. Time magazine published a cover story on the Science of Happiness.

The number of self-help books on happiness has exploded. This drive towards spreading happiness is not surprising, given the fact that as the US became wealthier and more powerful, reported cases of depressed people increased.

Most of this advice gives pointers on how to be happy by not focusing on getting richer, by practicing gratitude, by giving up envy, by helping others, by reducing stress, by paying attention to small wonders around you, by changing the environment whenever it is under your control and practicing happy patience when it is not under your control, and most importantly by connecting to other human beings. Some tell you to "fake" happiness till you "make" it.

Let us for a moment pretend that everybody in the US practices the to-do-list on how to be happy and indeed becomes happy. We all learn to be mostly loving, kind, grateful, compassionate, un-envious form of happiness in the success of the others, optimistic, un-obsessive-overanalyzing, forgiving, virtuous, socially supportive, and mostly committed to practicing happiness within and without. The meaning in life can come from doing the best possible job of whatever is given to us, let it be cleaning toilets, parenting, or being a CEO. Does that sound as close to paradise as our world can get?

Somehow, most people are uneasy about this picture as well! Who would create great works of art, music, and literature? There would not be Van Gogh, Abraham Lincoln, Emily Dickinson, Beethoven, and Dostoevsky in our world. Great leaders, artists, scientists, and wealth-generators have not always been happy. In fact it seem these individuals created their work out of painful conflict and struggles with adversity.

Without envy and jealousy there would be no fire in the belly to do more and to make progress. All negative emotions have a purpose, and most of the time this purpose is physical and emotional survival. Some say that negative emotions are essential for evolution. Others say that practicing happiness generates complacency which in turn generates a lack of motivation for excellence. Some psychologists argue that personality structures are not so flexible and a pessimist cannot choose to be an optimist and it would be unfair to expect people to all fall into the same mold of being happy.

If we were a nation of happy people, would we be the super power? Would we have the best military and the best weapons? Would we be able to defend ourselves against the aggression of other countries? Does that mean we need to wait for the whole world to be happy first, before we decide not to be zealous about being powerful? Is the self-protective mode, in this world in which cruelty exists, necessarily a happy state of mind? Is a happy state of mind capable of defending against external aggression?

Yet as much as we admire and appreciate great works by great people, if we are asked a question: "Do you want your child to have a happy, safe, and good life or be extremely gifted and yet have a life full of unhappiness?", most parents will choose a happy, safe, and good life for their children.

What this suggests is the following. We understand the importance of having unusually gifted (albeit unhappy) people and the inevitability of defending against the cruelty in the world (by being a cruel aggressor yourself). However, we do not want to be one of them. If the world has to be divided into two groups of people, we would much rather belong to the happy side, the ones reaping the benefits of the unhappiness from the unhappily gifted and the cruel aggressive defenders!

This is what I suggest. When you are unhappy, let it stay for a while and consider what "purpose" this unhappiness is there to "serve". Take your own sweet time to stay unhappy. Then allow it to serve its purpose, play out its role, before getting in a hurry to ward it off. This means that being unhappy could in fact make you excited that you are on to the next best thing in life. This is the importance of being unhappy!

Access Source Document: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/swati-desai/depression-symptoms-the-i_b_590889.html

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17 Things I Believe: Updated and Expanded - Bob Sutton

17 Things I Believe: Updated and Expanded - Bob Sutton

Bob Sutton - Work Matters

17 Things I Believe: Updated and Expanded

In gearing up for my next book, Good Boss, Bad Boss, I am putting together a list of "12 Things that Good Bosses Believe," which you will soon see on this blog and elsewhere. In the process, I took two or three ideas from my old list of "15 Things I Believe" that has been on this blog for a long time. So I decided it was a good time to update and expand that list, as I have not changed much in the last couple years. So I spent the morning updating the new list, now "17 Things I Believe," which you can see to the left.

The first 9 items aren't really changed much, although one or two of the links are updated. Items 10 through 16 are all new. And item 17, which I removed for awhile, is back because I thought it was important to remind others -- and myself -- that there is a lot more to life than work. Here is the new list. As always, I would love your comments, and as this is a pretty big change, if you have ideas about items you might add (or subtract) if it was your list, or that you think I should add or subtract, I would love to hear your reactions. Here it is (and note that #17 has no link):

1. Sometimes the best management is no management at all -- first do no harm!

2. Indifference is as important as passion.

3. In organizational life, you can have influence over others or you can have freedom from others, but you can't have both at the same time.

4. Saying smart things and giving smart answers are important. Learning to listen to others and to ask smart questions is more important.

5. You get what you expect from people. This is especially true when it comes to selfish behavior; unvarnished self-interest is a learned social norm, not an unwavering feature of human behavior.

6. Avoid pompous jerks whenever possible. They not only can make you feel bad about yourself, chances are that you will eventually start acting like them.

7. The best test of a person's character is how he or she treats those with less power.

8. Err on the side of optimism and positive energy in all things.

9. It is good to ask yourself, do I have enough? Do you really need more money, power, prestige, or stuff?

10. Anyone can learn to be creative, it just takes a lot of practice and little confidence

11. "Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."

12. If you are an expert, seek-out novices or experts in other fields. If you are a novice, seek out experts.

13. Sutton's Law: “If you think that you have a new idea, you are wrong. Someone else probably already had it. This idea isn’t original either; I stole it from someone else”

14. "Am I a success or a failure?" is not a very useful question

15. The world would be a better place if people slept more and took more naps

16. Strive for simplicity and competence, but embrace the confusion and messiness along the way.

17. Jimmy Maloney is right, work is an overrated activity.

Access Content Source: http://bobsutton.typepad.com/my_weblog/2010/05/17-things-i-believe-updated-and-expanded-.html

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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The dark side of conscientiousness: Life satisfaction in the face of unemployment | Psychology Today

The dark side of conscientiousness: Life satisfaction in the face of unemployment Psychology Today

Don't Delay

Understanding procrastination and how to achieve our goals.
Timothy A. Pychyl, Ph.D. is an associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, where he specializes in the study of procrastination. See full bio

The dark side of conscientiousness: Life satisfaction in the face of unemployment

Can being highly conscientious ever be a liability?

A soon-to-be-published longitudinal study of 9,570 individuals revealed that conscientiousness has a dark side following unemployment. This is one of the first instances of research documenting that conscientiousness is not always good for well-being.

Christopher J. Boyce (University of Warwick), Alex M. Wood (University of Manchester), and Gordon D.A. Brown (University of Warwick) completed a study that is about to be published in the Journal of Research in Personality. It caught my attention because of the title, which I borrowed for my blog entry, "The Dark Side of Conscientiousness."

How could conscientiousness have a dark side? Ok, any personality trait can be detrimental if taken to an extreme. In fact, that is what some psychologists argue is the basis for a personality disorder. Perhaps this is what these authors meant, I thought. The dark side of conscientiousness could be a compulsive personality disorder of some type. No, this isn't it at all.

What could be wrong with people who are organized, dutiful, and self-disciplined? These are people who tend to set higher goals, have high levels of motivation, achieve highly and have higher levels of well-being. Every study I have read indicates that they are great employees, and most importantly, from my perspective, is that these people tend to procrastinate less.

The authors of this study think that it's misleading to construe conscientiousness as having only positive consequences for well-being. In fact, given the strong motivational and achievement orientation involved in this personality disposition, they hypothesized that it may be a liability under failure conditions. Unemployment is a perfect example of failure of this sort, and certainly a relevant topic in the current economic and labor situation (they note, for example, that the 2009 unemployment rate of 9.3% has not been seen since 1983).

Certainly unemployment has been demonstrated to have a strong causal effect on negative mental health outcomes (e.g., depression). Loss of employment involves loss of earnings as well as the potential for loss of purpose and even self-worth. Interestingly, conscientious people also accumulate more wealth and this affects their well-being positively. Blocking the goal of wealth accumulation represents another potential route whereby conscientiousness may be personally detrimental in the face of unemployment.

Their study
As part of the German Socio-Economic Panel Study, a large sample (4514 males and 5056 females, ages and incomes ranging widely) participated in face-to-face interviews annually for 4 years (2005-2008). In 2005, all participants were employed. Over the years, unemployment was coded to represent the length of time each participants was unemployed (up to a maximum of 3 years). Of course, conscientiousness (i.e., does a thorough job, not lazy, effective and efficient) was measured in year one and used prospectively in the analyses of the effects on life-satisfaction ("How satisfied are you with your life, all things considered?").

Results
The authors conducted a multilevel analysis to predict life satisfaction at 1, 2 or 3 years of unemployment. After statistically controlling for pre-unemployment levels of conscientiousness and life satisfaction, the results indicated that becoming unemployed had a negative effect on life satisfaction (no surprises here). However, the magnitude of the drop in life satisfaction after unemployment depended on the pre-employment level of conscientiousness. By the third year of unemployment, the gap between low and high pre-unemployment conscientiousness individuals was highest. Those high in conscientiousness showed the largest drop in life satisfaction. As the authors note, "The effect in the third year is particularly strong; suggesting that during prolonged unemployment highly conscientious people experience 120% higher decreases in life satisfaction than those at low levels" (p. 9).

Interestingly, the decline in life satisfaction of conscientious individuals does not occur because highly conscientious people have further to fall. And, the data suggest that people with low levels of pre-unemployment conscientiousness may even begin to adapt to unemployment.

Concluding thoughts
This is an interesting study as it helps us see how our traits, like everything in life it seems, have a "double edge" - they cut both ways. Although conscientiousness has been seen to be primarily positive, there is this "dark side" as the authors note. In the case of conscientiousness, the authors suggest a number of possible mechanisms for the negative effects on life satisfaction after prolonged unemployment for those individual who are high in conscientiousness. These include: 1) failure as more threatening because achievement is a more central life goal; 2) blocking the goal of wealth accumulation; 3) loss of a central part of identity with job loss; and 4) the possibility that highly conscientious people will attribute job loss to lack of ability (as opposed to effort or macro-economic issues). Unfortunately, the interview nature of this study did not permit an investigation into the mechanisms involved.

The bottom line, and concluding comments of the authors, is this: "Conscientious individuals are a risk group psychologically during unemployment and these individuals may benefit the most from extra support during unemployment" (p. 12).

I wonder if the same may be true of highly conscientious individuals who procrastinate (and we all procrastinate at different times in our lives). I wonder if the effects on well-being are stronger? Do highly conscientious people who procrastinate feel more guilt, frustration, anger with self? What do you think? I know it will be the topic of a future thesis in my research group. Until then, please let me know what experience has taught you.

Reference
Boyce, C.J., Wood, A.M., Brown, G.D.A., The Dark Side of Conscientiousness: Conscientious People Experience Greater Drops in Life Satisfaction Following Unemployment, Journal of Research in Personality (2010), doi: 10.1016/j.jrp.2010.05.001

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A Dying Father's Lessons on Life for His Teenaged Daughter - Our Editors - Harvard Business Review

A Dying Father's Lessons on Life for His Teenaged Daughter - Our Editors - Harvard Business Review

Harvard Business Review

A Dying Father's Lessons on Life for His Teenaged Daughter

A couple of weeks ago, my remarkable brother in law, John Tarbell, died in New York City.

I'd always admired John. He was a modern-day warrior: a driven multisport athlete as a young man, an innovative dealmaker at Chemical Bank (he led the bank's first leveraged buyout group), and a well-connected executive recruiter for DHR International.

But cancer is impressed by no one, and took John's life at the tender age of 67, just a few months after he learned that he was ill.

That didn't give John time to finish his most important project: a comprehensive guide to how to live a good life. It was something he spent years working on for an audience of one: his only child, a daughter, now 15. It comprised lessons drawn from his life, and from his mentors, and covered everything from friends and partying to finances and careers.

I found his lessons moving, and valuable. Some of his observations were the considered teaching of a protective father. Others struck me as broadly applicable, particularly now, during graduation season, as students prepare to strike out on their own. John's lessons remind one that having a few simple guidelines can help yield a life of worthwhile accomplishments.

With the blessing of John's wife, Anne Adler Tarbell, I'm sharing a few of his lessons, on business and careers.

THE 8 CAREER LESSONS FROM JOHN TARBELL

1. Seek out a mentor — possibly someone who was involved in your hiring process. Learn what to expect two or three years ahead and prepare for it.

2. Assume the behavior and habits of the people at the next level, and you will demonstrate that you can get there.

3. Whatever you do, be sure your involvement and actions' ethics and results will look honorable and wise if they appear in the right hand column of the Wall Street Journal's front page. They just might.

4. ''Try to find out what you're good at, and have a passion for, and get someone to pay you for doing it'' — advice I was given early on, and it has always proved to be the path for success and, just as importantly, happiness.

5. The first job is rarely anything but a start. Do the best you can, try to work with people you like and admire, and hope for the best. In your lifetime, you may change jobs, if not your career path, many times.

6. Avoid bosses who promise promotions and advancement but who take credit for your work. They won't fulfill their promises to you.

7. Save for a rainy day and always be able to support yourself. You can lose everything in a flash, and scenarios of financial adversity do present themselves in life, even to the best prepared.

8. Avoid speculative ventures. If making money were easy, everyone would be wealthy. If someone can't answer all your questions and ''what ifs,'' there's something wrong.


Adi Ignatius is the Editor-in-Chief of the Harvard Business Review Group.

Access Source Content: http://blogs.hbr.org/hbr/hbreditors/2010/05/a_dying_fathers_lessons_on_lif.html?cm_mmc=npv-_-DAILY_ALERT-_-AWEBER-_-DATE

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Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others | Video on TED.com

Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others Video on TED.com


TED - Ideas Woth Spreading


Video: 4 min, 22 sec



About this talk


In this rare clip from 1972, legendary psychiatrist and Holocaust-survivor Viktor Frankl delivers a powerful message about the human search for meaning -- and the most important gift we can give others.


About Viktor E Frankl


Neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl pioneered an approach to psychotherapy that focuses on the human search for meaning.



Why you should listen to him:


Viktor E. Frankl was Professor of Neurology and Psychiatry at the University of Vienna Medical School. He spent three years during World War II in concentration camps, including Theresienstadt, Auschwitz, and Dachau, where he formulated many of his key ideas. Logotherapy, his psychotherapeutic school, is founded on the belief that striving to find meaning in life is the most powerful motivation for human beings.

Frankl wrote 39 books, which were published in 38 languages. His best-known, Man's Search for Meaning, gives a firsthand account of his experiences during the Holocaust, and describes the psychotherapeutic method he pioneered. The Library of Congress called it one of "the ten most influential books in America." Frankl lectured on five continents.


"Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human. "

Viktor Frankl



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After keeping us waiting for a century, Mark Twain will finally reveal all - News, Books - The Independent

After keeping us waiting for a century, Mark Twain will finally reveal all - News, Books - The Independent

The Independant

After keeping us waiting for a century, Mark Twain will finally reveal all

The great American writer left instructions not to publish his autobiography until 100 years after his death, which is now

By Guy Adams in Los Angeles

Sunday, 23 May 2010





Exactly a century after rumours of his death turned out to be entirely accurate, one of Mark Twain's dying wishes is at last coming true: an extensive, outspoken and revelatory autobiography which he devoted the last decade of his life to writing is finally going to be published.

The creator of Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn and some of the most frequently misquoted catchphrases in the English language left behind 5,000 unedited pages of memoirs when he died in 1910, together with handwritten notes saying that he did not want them to hit bookshops for at least a century.

That milestone has now been reached, and in November the University of California, Berkeley, where the manuscript is in a vault, will release the first volume of Mark Twain's autobiography. The eventual trilogy will run to half a million words, and shed new light on the quintessentially American novelist.

Scholars are divided as to why Twain wanted the first-hand account of his life kept under wraps for so long. Some believe it was because he wanted to talk freely about issues such as religion and politics. Others argue that the time lag prevented him from having to worry about offending friends.

One thing's for sure: by delaying publication, the author, who was fond of his celebrity status, has ensured that he'll be gossiped about during the 21st century. A section of the memoir will detail his little-known but scandalous relationship with Isabel Van Kleek Lyon, who became his secretary after the death of his wife Olivia in 1904. Twain was so close to Lyon that she once bought him an electric vibrating sex toy. But she was abruptly sacked in 1909, after the author claimed she had "hypnotised" him into giving her power of attorney over his estate.

Their ill-fated relationship will be recounted in full in a 400-page addendum, which Twain wrote during the last year of his life. It provides a remarkable account of how the dying novelist's final months were overshadowed by personal upheavals.

"Most people think Mark Twain was a sort of genteel Victorian. Well, in this document he calls her a slut and says she tried to seduce him. It's completely at odds with the impression most people have of him," says the historian Laura Trombley, who this year published a book about Lyon called Mark Twain's Other Woman.

"There is a perception that Twain spent his final years basking in the adoration of fans. The autobiography will perhaps show that it wasn't such a happy time. He spent six months of the last year of his life writing a manuscript full of vitriol, saying things that he'd never said about anyone in print before. It really is 400 pages of bile."

Twain, who was born Samuel Langhorne Clemens, had made several attempts to start work on autobiography, beginning in 1870, but only really hit his stride with the work in 1906, when he appointed a stenographer to transcribe his dictated reminiscences.

Another potential motivation for leaving the book to be posthumously published concerns Twain's legacy as a Great American. Michael Shelden, who this year published Man in White, an account of Twain's final years, says that some of his privately held views could have hurt his public image.

"He had doubts about God, and in the autobiography, he questions the imperial mission of the US in Cuba, Puerto Rico and the Philippines. He's also critical of [Theodore] Roosevelt, and takes the view that patriotism was the last refuge of the scoundrel. Twain also disliked sending Christian missionaries to Africa. He said they had enough business to be getting on with at home: with lynching going on in the South, he thought they should try to convert the heathens down there."

In other sections of the autobiography, Twain makes cruel observations about his supposed friends, acquaintances and one of his landladies.

Parts of the book have already seen the light of day in other publications. Small excerpts were run by US magazines before Twain's death (since he needed the money). His estate has allowed parts of it to be adapted for publication in three previous books described as "autobiographies".

However, Robert Hirst, who is leading the team at Berkeley editing the complete text, says that more than half of it has still never appeared in print. Only academics, biographers, and members of the public prepared to travel to the university's Bancroft research library have previously been able to read it in full. "When people ask me 'did Mark Twain really mean it to take 100 years for this to come out', I say 'he was certainly a man who knew how to make people want to buy a book'," Dr Hirst said.

November's publication is authorised by his estate, which in the absence of surviving descendants (a daughter, Clara, died in 1962, and a granddaughter Nina committed suicide in 1966) funds museums and libraries that preserve his legacy.

"There are so many biographies of Twain, and many of them have used bits and pieces of the autobiography," Dr Hirst said. "But biographers pick and choose what bits to quote. By publishing Twain's book in full, we hope that people will be able to come to their own complete conclusions about what sort of a man he was."

Access Content Source: http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/news/after-keeping-us-waiting-for-a-century-mark-twain-will-finally-reveal-all-1980695.html

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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.