Psychology Today
Building Great Marriages
Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz are renowned love and marriage experts and multiple award-winning authors. See full bio
Are There Marriage Rules You Should Break?
For years there have been marriage "rules" passed down from generation to generation. During our 27 years of research interviewing thousands of successfully married couples on six continents of the world, we discovered some marriage "rules" that truly helped couples build lasting love. On the other hand, we also discovered marriage "rules" that are not only silly, but can even be downright damaging to building successful relationships.
Here are three marriage "rules" made to be broken:
1. "Focusing on the children is the most important part of being a parent." Quite the opposite is true for successfully married couples who have raised great children. The quality of the relationship between mom and dad trumps everything else. Get the relationship right and good things follow. Get it wrong and lots of bad things often happen! If couples want to raise great children, they will nurture their own relationship first and foremost as they raise their children.
2. "The more time you spend together the better the relationship." This is only true only up to a certain point. Many couples are of the mistaken notion that they are to be constantly attentive to their spouse. While their intentions are good, their desire to be attentive causes them to, in fact, interfere with the quality of their communicative relationship with their mate. The desire for too much closeness can inadvertently drive a wedge between husband and wife. Isn't that ironic? The recognition and practice of the absolute need for privacy and aloneness is, in our judgment after analyzing thousands of interviews, a fundamental predisposition of successful marriages. The amount of time available to satisfy these two needs varies from one marriage to another and from one marriage partner to another. But one thing is clear, all marriages will stand the test of time only if these duel needs are recognized and respected.
3. "Great sex is essential to a great a marriage." Over the years we have interviewed thousands of successfully married couples, and most report a reasonable degree of satisfaction with their sex life. But here is our most important research finding concerning this issue - no marriage was ever saved or made successful because the couple had a great sex life! And more importantly, when we ask successfully married couples how important sex is
to the success of their marriage - to rank on a scale of 1-10 with 10 high - the average rank was only 6! This finding has held true over the entire 27 years of our research on six continents of the world. The results are hardly a resounding endorsement for the importance of sex in a successful marriage.There are many other "rules" that have often been quoted as fact that have not been proven to be true as a result of our 27 years of research with thousands of couples happily married. It is important to understand the source of the marriage "rule" and the supporting research before putting that "rule" into practice in your relationship.
_____
For hundreds of practical tips to strengthen your love, get the bestselling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Access Content Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/building-great-marriages/201005/are-there-marriage-rules-you-should-break
***********************************************************************
http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.
No comments:
Post a Comment