How to improve your relationship with Mom Freep.com Detroit Free Press
May 8, 2009
Dr. Terri Orbuch
Mother's Day is a day to honor and celebrate moms because at all ages, mothers play a critical role in their children's lives. When you think about it, the first relationship children experience is typically the one with their mother.>
Several studies show that the bond children develop with their mother early in life has long-term implications for later relationships. When children have a good relationship with their mother, they wait longer before becoming sexually active, are more likely to use safe sex practices, are better able to cope with stressful events, and are more secure and trusting in their adult romantic relationships.>
But no matter how good you feel about your mother, there are times when the relationship can be filled with conflict, anger or disappointment. So, whether you want to maintain or need to repair the connection with your mother, here are some tips on how to improve the relationship.>
Focus on the positive. In any relationship there are going to be ups and downs. Instead of focusing on what your mother does wrong (from your perspective) or the struggles you have with her, shift your attention to all that she does right and what's good about your relationship. This year, make a list of what you love about your mother and read those qualities to her or write them in a card. Your true feelings are as good, if not better, than any card from Hallmark.>
Respect and validate differences. Each of you was born and raised in a different time period with distinct values and ways of living. You probably don't agree on everything, even the important things in life. That's OK. But you must learn to acknowledge and respect each other's thoughts and feelings. There are many people who have been angry with their mother for years. Those are wasted years and life is too short. This year, pick up the phone and either apologize or forgive your mother.>
Communicate. As adults, we don't spend much time talking to our mother about important topics in life. Think to yourself....do I know what is on my mother's mind these days or how she is occupying her time? Does she know my personal goals and fears in life? Strengthen your relationship by opening the lines of communication between you and your mother.>
Set boundaries. Respect each other's privacy. Limits in what you share with your mother (and what she tells you) are fine. Always remember that even when you try your hardest, there is still the possibility that she will be disappointed or you will not meet her expectations. These are the realities of any relationship. By setting boundaries, you are protecting yourself and the relationship. She may be "Mom" but your relationship still takes work. If things have been difficult or problematic, don't expect change to occur overnight. Keep working at it because the rewards are well worth the effort.>
Dr. Terri Orbuch is a marriage and family therapist, Oakland University professor, and research professor at the University of Michigan. She also is the host of "The Love Doctor" talk radio program on the VoiceAmerica network. E-mail her at torbuch@freepress.com.>
Read full Article: http://www.freep.com/article/20090508/FEATURES01/905080429/1026/TERRI+ORBUCH+THE+LOVE+DOCTOR
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This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.
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