Harvard Business Review
John Kotter
To Win Over Dissenters (and Everyone Else), Show Some Respect
I once sat in on a Harvard negotiations seminar. One key takeaway was, "seek first to understand, then to be understood," the idea being that you have a better chance of winning over the other party if you truly hear them out and consider their needs as well as your own. The success of this principle is rooted in respect. And in researching and writing my latest book, I discovered that showing respect is crucial for achieving buy-in for an idea, no matter the context.
Here's an example I've seen. A product division manager presents a proposal to market to a specific demographic that the company has not targeted before. She explains to the team: "Our studies on product features yielded compelling data on customer demographics. We found a growing audience for our product that we're not reaching right now." A long-time colleague with lots of experience but also a glass-half-empty perspective raises his hand: "Identifying and segmenting customers is marketing's job, not ours, so this might be bad for company cohesiveness because it suggests that marketing isn't doing its job well. We shouldn't go any further with this proposal."
The manager can respond in one of two ways. She can become frustrated by her colleague's suggestion — "Of course I'm not saying they're not doing their jobs well" — and try to discredit his objection by drawing attention to the unhelpful divisiveness of his comment. Or she can take the more respectful path: "Thanks Bob. I don't mean to suggest marketing isn't doing its job, and I apologize if I did. I only meant to say that our recent study made us aware of this new demographic, and I think it's important to be aware of new markets for our products. I appreciate your concern, though. I want to be sure to present it appropriately to marketing when the time comes."
Showing respect helps you accomplish two goals. First, it helps to assuage your challenger. You quickly and effectively disarm (but don't discount) his claim with genuine attention and respect, and you may be surprised how much this can help you to win him over. Don't engage in a debate on his territory, where you might not seem as well informed and where you might become antagonized if you find the debate off-point or wrongheaded. Becoming visibly frustrated can torpedo your cause; being disrespectful with a quick put-down may be emotionally satisfying, but the feeling is fleeting.
The second thing respect helps you accomplish is winning your broader audience. Failure to show complete respect — even and especially if you are shown none in return — can make you lose credibility with your audience. It will only lend each counter argument more weight. But being perpetually respectful makes you sympathetic to your audience, and it psychologically helps you win their hearts and minds. And keeping your audience in mind, not merely the person questioning you, is key. Remember, even if you are addressing one person's question, you are still communicating to the whole audience and seeking their buy-in.
********************************************************
http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.
No comments:
Post a Comment