Excerpted From May 15, 2012 Happiness Newsletter
Be Happy Zone
By Lionel Ketchian
We have many relationships in our life. I have many great relationships with people who read this newsletter. Thank you for the wonderful relationship that we share. I positively appreciate your interest in happiness.
Relationships are very interesting. You start off by having a relationship with your mother and father, then you meet the rest of your family members. You developed relationships while growing up and making friends in school. You developed relationships at work. Then you find that special person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and live happily ever after. How does it all work out? For most people it turns out that relationships are one of the most difficult things they have experienced.
People think that relationships can cause happiness or that relationships can cause suffering. The truth is that relationships don't cause either one. Relationships can't make you happy, but if you are happy then you can experience happiness in your relationship. People think that relationships can make you experience suffering. The truth is that relationships do not make you unhappy or create suffering. They reveal the unhappiness that is within you.
You are probably saying to yourself right now, "He never met the person I am living with." Well, being right or wrong has nothing to do with it. It does not matter who is right or wrong. What matters is whether you react or respond to the person. The reason we react in a relationship is that something within us is there to begin with. If we get angry, sad or afraid, then the relationship can only evoke the emotion that was there all along to be provoked.
Relationships are a great way to experience knowing yourself. That is what a relationship can do for you. A relationship can get you to really know yourself better that anything in the world. Why does this happen? In every relationship there comes a time when the other person cannot meet the needs and demands that you think you have, or your ego thinks you have. This is when the problem presents itself. At this point the relationship acts more like an addiction than a loving bond. This is the point that you need to learn more about yourself than you ever have.
It is at this stage of a relationship that pain, suffering and unhappiness surface. They were there all along, but the relationship just enabled you to see it. The relationship is not here to make you happy. It is here to help make you conscious. In other words the relationship provides the means for you to realize you have a choice to be happy. The relationship cannot make you happy, it can only awaken you to your potentiality for being happy.
One of the biggest problems for relationships lies in the inability to let go of the past. The other side of the coin is our fear of the future. When we live in the moment we can truly embrace our relationship now. People believe that through negativity they can change their relationships. This it the heart of the problem. Only when you accept the situation in this moment and not resist it, can you have any power over it.
So, if you become unhappy in a relationship you have an opportunity for growth. Relationships give you a chance to get to know yourself and experience growth. The most important relationship you can have is with yourself. Just learn to be yourself. As you get to know yourself better and accept yourself you get along better with yourself. You are who you are, accept it. It does not matter what other people think of you. Self-acceptance is of the utmost importance in your relationship.
Once you have begun to like yourself and have stopped trying to change yourself, then you can finally become friends with yourself. This is one of the most important relationships you can have. Only when you have accepted yourself can you accept other people. Only when you stop being judgmental of yourself can you be less judgmental of others. It is at this time that you can love others as yourself. It all starts with being yourself, your direct relationship with yourself.
Legendary pianist Arthur Rubinstein, lived from 1887 to 1983, and he loved life to the fullest. He once described himself as the happiest person he had ever met. As Arthur Rubinstein once said, "Accept life unconditionally. Life holds so much -- so much to be happy about always. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can be felt only if you don't set any conditions."
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