Coaching for work change | A Different Kind of Work

Coaching for work change A Different Kind of Work

Is Your Boss A Closet Vampire? Check These Tell-Tale Signs

Written on September 20, 2010

Christine Livingston

Ever have that feeling of being perpetually drained of energy?

You know, that wrung-out, zombie state that never seems to leave you? You want to shake yourself free of it, but can’t quite find the enthusiasm. Meantime, there’s work to do, targets to meet, actions to deliver. So you just go along with it all, running on empty, feeling less than enthusiastic about work or life.

You think that’s just how it is. Everyone feels that way, don’t they?

But has it ever struck you that your boss’s red lipstick is more than just a power thing? That for all she is big and sassy and well in with clients and top bosses, she may have some kind of underworld affliction going on that she’d really rather you didn’t know about?

No, I haven’t been watching too many Twilight DVDs on the weekend. I’m talking about vampire bosses that suck your energy and bleed you dry. And why you need to wise up to them before they leave you for dead.

Check these tell-tale signs

1. You never quite feel you’re good enough. One of the ways vampire bosses weaken you is by creating conditions so that they, not you, determine how you feel about yourself. They do this in two ways. First, they set up competitiveness in their teams, so that you never quite trust your colleagues, and feel you’re always having to prove yourself. Second, they continually shift the goal posts on deliverables and performance standards so you can’t ever be sure that what you’re delivering measures up.
2. You’re expected to go along with their view of the world. The implicit approach they have to things is that “I’m right, you’re wrong”. It doesn’t matter how crazy or fucked-up their position; they expect you to just nod and go along with it. Even better if you blow smoke up their ass.
3. Challenging them means criticism, ridicule, or the silent treatment. If you dare offer another view point – heaven forbid, your own – they interpret it as a personal attack. Vampire bosses have little capacity for self-learning and the emotional shifts it requires. And any anxiety your comments provoke in them, they turn back on you, and then some. Open ridicule you may be able to laugh off or ride over. But the silent treatment is one of a vampire boss’s most powerful weapons. Here, they’ll sulk for hours or days, sending poisonous, hateful vibes in your direction, leaving you feeling completely shit about yourself.
4. They unilaterally make decisions about your career. They offer you promotions and added responsibilities expecting you to be grateful. The fact that there’s no additional compensation or that these things don’t jive with your bigger career or work life goals is of no interest to them. To tear your heart out, they’ll make sure to have non-HR conforming conversations with you, bitching about this or that colleague and how they were left for dead after doing something that went against the vampire’s world view.
5. You continually feel exhausted. To maintain their overly inflated egos, vampire bosses need a lot of psychic energy. They get it by robbing you of yours. Of course, this all happens out of their conscious awareness – they have little consciousness, after all – but it happens nevertheless. The result is that you are perpetually tired, feel continually demoralized, and rarely in touch with all that you are.

Why should you care?

Well, just ask yourself: is it okay for you to siphon off your energy to some God forsaken boss, just to make is easier for her to run roughshod over you?

And, what would you do with that energy if you could redirect it back to yourself?

Becoming a vampire slayer

Unlike the films, no-one’s going to be shape shifting to rescue you anytime soon. You’ve got to become your own werewolf.

The first thing you must do is wise up. Sure, I’ve wrapped it up in a vampire metaphor, but it’s a real phenomenon and it’s prevalent in senior jobs. Why? Well, because these types are so full of themselves, they often push themselves forward in a way lesser mortals fear to even consider.

Getting smart to this stuff means looking out for where you’ve made it okay for your boss, or colleagues to decide what is and isn’t okay for you, taking your power back, and putting some boundaries in place to keep yourself as free as possible from their evil grip.

Christine Livingston is a coach and writer, who helps professional people wanting to work and live on their own terms. With a successful career both inside and beyond the corporation to draw from, Christine gives the support, challenge, tools and inspiration that enable people to thrive.

Access Content Source: http://www.adifferentkindofwork.com/2010/09/20/vampire-boss/

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http://dreamlearndobecome.blogspot.com This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.