Is Uncertainty Controlling You?

June 15, 2009 Happiness Newsletter


Is Uncertainty Controlling You?
By Lionel Ketchian >

One truth that we can all agree on is the fact that we live in an uncertain world. It seems that this is more true now more than ever before. Maybe we have always lived in an uncertain world. It is only now with the events we are experiencing that this fact is made even more real to us. >

In 2003, I read a great book titled Embracing Uncertainty by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. This book is about exploring, understanding, and coping with the anxiety that most people feel, regarding the uncertain nature of everyday life. Susan wrote another great book that you may recognize. It is called Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway. It was also a truly wonderful and empowering book, and was the first of many books she has written. >

I had the opportunity of doing an interview with Dr. Susan Jeffers in 2003. Some of the things you should know about Susan are that she is a thinker, and that she has a wonderful way of putting her thoughts into a book. You can benefit from the wisdom she acquired from her experiences. Susan really understands the basis of happiness, and explains, "Always remember that how we live our lives is a personal decision, not something that is put upon us from the outside world." >

She discusses ways to create a "WONDERING LIFE" instead of a "HOPING LIFE." Instead of hoping things are different, you can learn to create a wondering mind and wonder how things will turn out, rather than worry about how they will turn out. This gives you the power of detaching yourself from the outcome and reducing your stress, anxiousness, worry and fear. >

Dr. Jeffers recommends that people, "CHOOSE THE PATH OF TRUST." What does she mean by choosing the path of trust? Susan says: "When you fully understand that you have little control in the external world, you then have two choices: you can choose to see yourself as a poor-me victim at the mercy of circumstances...or you can choose to develop the trust that, no matter what happens in your life or in the world, you will have the inner strength to create something good from it all. Hopefully you will choose the latter!" >

I have found much agreement with Susan's thoughts. Here is another good example: "It makes us so much happier when we don't have the need to be right. Trust me when I tell you that you will feel so much freer with the power of MAYBE." Susan introduces this interesting concept, "the power of MAYBE," in her book. Susan goes on to say, "You notice that I haven't mentioned peace of mind, joy, fun, creativity, or spontaneity. That is because these wonderful feelings go with a lack of expectations. The irony is that while we think our expectations are giving us a measure of control, our expectations are really controlling us!" >

Can you imagine not letting worry get the best of you? You will, if you understand what Dr. Jeffers says, "When you're feeling lousy about something happening in your life or in the world, it isn't about the something happening that is the problem, it's your inability to let go of the expectation of how it's supposed to be." She gives us the wisdom to understand that we can have more control, by realizing we do not have control of the outside world, or the many things that can happen that we wish would not happen. > Susan teaches us, "When attached to outcomes, by definition, we are attached to unhappiness. As hard as we try, as fast as we go, we can never feel the security of being in control of the outside world. When we break our attachment to our expectations of control, we become happier people. If you knew you could find happiness in whatever state you found yourself -- ill health or good health, rich or poor, in a great relationship or not, and so on -- then your worry about the uncertainty in your life would be greatly diminished." >

Dr. Jeffers advises us to, "INCREASE YOUR INNER SENSE OF POWER. One way to help you develop trust in yourself is to cut off the negativity of the mind by saying to yourself over and over again, Whatever happens in my life, I'll handle it! While we can't control the world around us, we can certainly learn how to respond to all things -- yes, ALL THINGS - in a health-affirming way. We have the power to create a life that feels good, rather than one that feels bad -- despite the actual circumstances in our lives and in our world." Do you feel that life has treated you less than fairly? Well, as Dr. Jeffers says, "The prime cause of our suffering is our wanting things to be different from what they are! Happiness is the best revenge!" >


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This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.