Nine ways to improve your relationship by learning to respond reflectively

http://scottpsychologicalservice.typepad.com/scotts_psychology_blog/2009/01/ten-ways-to-improve-your-relationship-by-learning-to-respond-reflectively.html

Nine ways to improve your relationship by learning to respond reflectively

Nine ways to improve your relationship by learning to respond reflectively

Imagine the following scenario. One member of a committed couple arrives home 45 min late. The other member of the couple who spent hours preparing a nice meal feels unappreciated and angrily snaps “Why are you so late?” This seems like an attack to the other mate who was laid off that day due to the financial crisis and is feeling hungry, angry, and tired, and they yell back “Why are you always nagging?” As you can well imagine, the verbal and emotional interchange between them becomes progressively more negative and stressful after this. They love each other but they both have reacted reflexively in maladaptive ways which are toxic to the relationship.

Whereas the above scenario is a single incident which can be repaired, frequently couples make this kind of automatic reflexive reacting their main way of interacting. In fact, one of the most common habits detrimental to harmonious intimate relationships is saying things in the heat of an argument that you later regret. Many couples habitually, without thinking, say or do things which poison their relationships. As Jon Carlson, a seasoned couple therapist says, they are “spitting in their own soup”. They are unable to respond reflectively in their difficult interactions.


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Biography
Resume for Dr. BRIAN SCOTT(Prepared Sept. 6, 2008)
Dr. Scott is a consulting clinical psychologist in private practice (Scott Psychological Services). He holds a Ph. D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Windsor, Canada and is registered as a clinical psychologist in Singapore, Hong Kong, and Ontario, Canada.

From 1991 to 1996, Dr. Scott was a lecturer in the Department of Psychology, University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong and is past President of the Hong Kong Psychological Society. Previous to this he was a psychologist in the Family Counseling/ Education Program, Surrey Place Centre, Toronto, Canada.

Dr. Scott’s clinical interests include the effect of child abuse and neglect on adult personality (codependence), marital problems, stress and anger management, adult attention deficit disorder, and self help support groups of all kinds. More recently Dr. Scott has become interested in men’s psychological issues.

Dr. Scott’s first Ph.D. was in Zoology and before he became a clinical psychologist he had a 25 year career as a neuroscientist studying the neurobiological basis of mental retardation and neurotoxicity. His most recent research interests are evolutionary psychology cognitive neuroscience as applied to clinical psychology. For a full curriculum vitae please go to scottpsychologicalservices.com

Interests
Clinical psychology including relationship problems, stress in adults due to childhood abuse or neglect (codependence), ADD in adults, addictions, self-help and support groups of various kinds.

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This posting was made my Jim Jacobs, President & CEO of Jacobs Executive Advisors. Jim also serves as Leader of Jacobs Advisors' Insurance Practice.